Page 87 of Could Have Been Us
I understand her reasoning, and I don’t blame her for going, but I know it will change things. I’ve spent twelve years pretending that Kinsley wasn’t real in some way. I built walls to protect myself and in a matter of a few months, they’ve come crashing down. My heart is breaking for what she’s going through and there’s also a level of self-preservation screaming inside of me.
There won’t be a way out of this that doesn’t devastate everyone. Samuel is a mess, Kinsley might be hurt, I know Stella and I will. Nothing about this is going to go in a direction that isn’t a catastrophe.
My fingers brush her long brown hair down her bare back. She nuzzles closer and makes a mewling noise.
The only thing I do know, is that she won’t do this alone. Even if we end up crushed, we’ll do it together.
Slowly, she pulls herself from sleep, lashes blinking slowly as she tightens her arms. “Good morning.”
“Good morning.”
“I like this.”
“Me too,” I say, not caring what part she’s referring to because I like it all.
“Did you sleep well?”
I didn’t sleep at all. My mind was going in circles, which led me nowhere but back to the thought that if she goes, everything would change because I would’ve done the exact opposite of what she needed—be there.
All I would’ve had was one month.
Not that I would trade it. It’s been the best month of my life, but still, this would be all we’d have, and that is how our story has always seemed to be.
Not meant for forever.
Stella’s fingertips slide against my jaw. I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips. “I had you snoring in my ear, what do you think?”
Her jaw drops. “I don’t snore.”
I grin. “You do.”
“Jack! You’re not supposed to say it.”
“Why?”
“Because . . . you’re supposed to pretend.” She rolls her eyes dramatically and huffs.
“Well, you snore, and it’s adorable. I would listen to it every night if it means you were here.”
Her lips turn into a tentative smile. “Do you think I won’t be here?”
“I don’t know,” I answer her honestly. “What time are you leaving today?”
She lowers her lids and shifts her body closer. “I don’t know. Soon.”
A mix of dread and panic fills my chest, making breathing difficult. I grappled all night with what the right thing to do is. Losing Stella isn’t an option for me and I will support her no matter what, even if I don’t agree.
There are really only two options. I let her go, stay here and hope it goes well, or I go with her. I stand beside her like I should’ve done all those years ago.
“I want to go with you,” I tell her.
Stella’s eyes open wide. “What?”
“I’d like to come. I want to be there and help you get Samuel through whatever he’s dealing with.”
“But . . . Jack.”
“I know. I know the chance of seeing Kinsley is there, and I know what all of it means, but I love you, Stella. I love you, and while she’s not our daughter, she came from us. You and I can do this together, and we’ll figure it out. You shouldn’t have to do this alone.”
