Page 52 of You Loved Me Once
There are rules about what can be shared and I’ve already mentioned cutting Allison from the trial. I won’t be able to hide that there’s a history between myself and one of the clients, not after how I felt in that room a few moments ago. He needs to recuse himself from this.
“I’m professional enough to handle this, Dr. Adams,” he bristles.
Oh, Dr. Adams, is it? Got it.
“I’m not implying you’re not,Dr. Grant. I’m simply stating that you and I are more than colleagues and I would like to avoid any possible signs of favoritism and impropriety,” I return with an equal amount of terseness in my tone.
Westin crosses his arms. “I’m more than capable of it.”
My throat gets tight as Westin stares me down. If he’s somehow figured out that my patient’s husband and I share a past, the entire thing could get shut down. I didn’t report it, which is clearly a violation, but maybe I can save this. No medication has been dispensed, there’s really nothing that’s been done questionably at this point.
“Why are you doing this? Why would you take this, knowing what we are and where we’re going?”
“We aren’t breaking any violations or rules. Dr. Pascoe is well aware of what we are. I submitted documentation of our relationship this morning before I officially signed on.”
I jerk back a little, my chest tight as though I’ve been punched. “I know it was important to you, but I didn’t think you’d go this far. I didn’t think you’d do this behind my back. I wasn’t ready to put paperwork in.”
Westin looks up and sighs, and then his eyes meet mine. “I see. I guess I misread the signs on what we were—nothing new there.”
That stings.
“That’s not what I was saying. I want this. I want us, but you and I both know that appearances, especially in a clinical trial, are important. We have to do everything above board. There can’t be the slightest hint of any ethical boundaries being crossed.”
“I know that, which is why I submitted the paperwork. I went to Dr. Pascoe and offered to step aside, but he wouldn’t hear it. I am one of the only doctors in this hospital that has extensive knowledge in clinical trials as well as the necessary protocols. There are four other doctors overseeing it, I’m not here to make things harder for you, Ren. I’m here to help.”
I shake my head, not sure what the hell to think. “You still went behind my back.”
“And I’m sorry for that. I really am. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t tell you either. I did what I thought was going to protect us both and give your patients the best opportunity at success.”
Westin gives me a few seconds to work this out in my head. A part of me knows he’s right, he did the right thing, what we probably should’ve done months ago, when we were still pretending we weren’t a thing.
“So, this means what?” I ask. “You’re overseeing the trial?”
“No, I’m just here to advise and make sure that all the paperwork is in order.”
I rub my forehead and release a heavy sigh. “Right.”
“Serenity, if I thought, for one second, that me being on this trial would harm you or your patients, I would walk.”
“What if it harms us?”
His shoulders fall and he sighs. “If I lose you now, then we were never meant to be. I’ve been chasing you for two years, Ren. Two years that I’ve waited for you to want more. You’ve given me these little slivers of you and then you pull them back each time you get too close to feeling anything. I want you. I want us. But I know that both of us put our patients and this hospital first, and that’s what I’m doing. I’m good at my job. I wasn’t trying to hurt you by going to the chief. I did that because it protected us both.” Westin touches my cheek, his green eyes full of conflict. “I’m sorry if that upsets you, but it was the right thing. I care about you more than you know,” his hand drops. “I will never ask you to do something that would harm your career by keeping secrets, Ren. Don’t ask me to do it either.”
My hand falls and Westin walks away, leaving me completely screwed. My new boyfriend and my ex, working on the same trial...what could possibly go wrong?
Chapter 15
“Do you want to wait for your husband?” I ask Allison as we stand in her room, ready to dispense the medication.
“If we can,” she says nervously. “I don’t want to be alone when this starts.”
“It’s no problem. We can wait a few minutes,” I smile.
“Sorry, he had to handle something.”
There are four patients still waiting to start the chemotherapy, and one of them will be the final placebo. I have been able to keep my face completely stoic with each patient so far. Hopefully this will be the same, but this one feels different.
“Please don’t worry about it, we’re not going anywhere,” I reassure her again.
