Page 118 of A Moment for Us
“You’re not making any sense.”
I’m making perfect sense. I’m the guy who doesn’t get there. I’m the one who allows the people I love to get hurt because I don’t make the right choices. “This isn’t the first time I’ve loved a girl and she died.”
When we stop at a red light, my hands tighten against the wheel, and the sense of dread grows.
Stella’s hand is still wrapped around my wrist, but when she speaks, her voice is soft and cautious. “Joshua, what are you talking about with a girl dying?”
This is the longest red light in history.
I turn to her, my body feeling tight and my heart racing. I never told my siblings because I couldn’t handle disappointing them. I’ve tried my entire life to be almost a father to them. To give them what our own father never did. The idea of them seeing me even the slightest bit like him—selfish—is too much.
However, there’s no stopping it now. My sister will see me for the man that I am, and I have to accept it.
I tell her a very short version about Morgan and the baby I lost, and her fingers tighten.
“Oh, Josh, why did you never tell me?”
The light finally turns green, but I can’t seem to move my foot off the brake. “How could I?”
“Because I’m your sister.”
“Just like you told me about Kinsley?” I toss back, not to hurt her but to show her that we’re all guilty of it.
“I was wrong, and so were you. We all keep these secrets, and it eats us alive. We judge ourselves harder than we would judge each other. I don’t know why we’re this way, but we have to stop. I should’ve told you about Kinsley when it was happening. I can blame the ignorance of youth and the fear of what you’d all think about me, but at least I had Jack through it all. Who did you have?”
My heart is pounding against my chest. “I couldn’t talk about it.”
“I understand, but this isn’t the same.”
It sure as hell feels like it. Once again, I’m at work when the woman I love needs me. Only, this time, Delia didn’t call me. She didn’t beg me to come because she knew I wouldn’t make it. That I’d be at work and unable to get to her.
“I can’t lose her, Stella.”
“We don’t even know what it is. Let’s get to the hospital so we can find out, but you didn’t fail her, and I refuse to let you think it. Drive, Josh, and get to her so she knows she isn’t alone.”
I race to her, desperate to reach her before it’s too late.
* * *
Jessica is pacing the hallway when I get to the labor and delivery. “Josh . . . I . . . she asked me not to call. I’m sorry that I didn’t, but I . . .”
I lift my hand, not wanting her to feel guilty. “I understand. Just tell me she’s okay.”
Stella called Jessica who explained she promised not to tell me. After that, I wasn’t sure I should come, but Stella, the voice of reason, pushed me. So, here I am, where she doesn’t want me and felt strong enough to keep it from me. She doesn’t trust me, and right now, I’m fucking broken.
Jessica steps to me. “She’s alive, and she’s okay, to a point. I really think you need to hear all of it from her, but she’s not in any life-threatening danger.”
I let out a sigh of relief. “The babies?”
Her lower lip trembles. “I begged her to call you. She’s just so afraid, Josh. She’s afraid that you’re going to hate her.”
“Why the hell would I hate her?”
“I don’t know, and she can’t answer me.”
“Tell me what happened.”
Jessica shakes her head as her hand grips my shoulder. “You should go in there and talk to her. She needs you, but she’s got herself so worked up about this being the end of you both. Just, I’m warning you. In all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never seen her this broken.” Jessica tells me the room number and how to get there. Each step is slow, as though my feet have lead bricks on the bottoms. I don’t know what I’m walking into, but no matter what, I vow that I won’t fail her. Whatever she needs, I’ll give it.
