Page 124 of A Moment for Us
“A mess or not, you’re still beautiful,” I tell her as I lean back.
She shakes her head. “Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not.”
“Well, I’m glad you think that, even if it’s not true.” Delia’s gaze moves to the front door. “I’m not ready to go inside.”
“Why?”
Her watery eyes find mine. “She had a home, Josh. She had a place for her.”
The words slash against my soul, making everything ache. I should’ve thought about the nursery. The place where she was going to sleep next to her brother as the four of us built a life. A life that will never be.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I failed you.”
Delia wipes the tears away. “How did you fail me?”
I love you. I love you and those babies, and I fucked it all up. Had I stayed away, allowed you to have a life free of me, it would’ve been different.
“I just did.”
Her hand slides against my cheek. “You didn’t fail me, Josh. You have been the only thing keeping me together.”
I push against the words, the lie she’s clinging to because seeing the truth is too hard.
“You are much stronger than that.”
She laughs once, her head dropping. “I don’t feel that way. I want to scream and cry and throw things. I want this all to be a lie, but it’s not.”
“No, it’s not.”
“So, now we move forward and try to find a way to get through the next few months.”
I’m not sure that’s possible, but the hope in her voice makes me keep my mouth shut. Grief is an unending thing. People think you get through the stages, and then, at the end, you just move past it.
That’s not how it works.
It lives inside you always. A song, a scent, the whisper of the wind can bring it all back. In an instant, I’m there on that road, watching her drift away with the current. It creeps up on me, forcing me to see that moment over and over again. It may happen less often as the years have passed, but it still is there, waiting for the moment my guard is down.
Like now.
Losing our little girl was God’s way of telling me that I am unworthy of the life I was forging.
I stand, extending my hand to her. “Then we go inside, and we begin finding a new future. One that isn’t what we thought it would be a few days ago.”
Her hand moves to her belly, and a wobbly smile pulls on her lips. “He just kicked in agreement.”
“Glad he agrees.”
Delia places her hand in mine, and I help her out of the car. We get to the front door to find baskets and coolers stacked up.
“What is all this?” she asks.
I grab the card, read it, and hand it to her.
I lift the cooler and laugh softly. Mrs. Villafane and Mrs. Garner have cooked for the last three days. There’s food, cakes, breads, and pastries.
“Those two women are the sweetest things,” Delia says as she peeks in the other basket. “I don’t think we have to cook for a month.”
