Page 130 of A Moment for Us
I can feel the oxygen being sucked out of my lungs. I stand here, shaking as everything around me happens quickly.
Delia. She’s in front of me, arms out, yelling for help as the water rises around her. The car is starting to move, the current’s pushing her farther from me.
“Delia!” I scream. My lungs fighting for air because I’m tired. I’ve been trying to get to her, but each step forward comes with a loss of ground.
People behind me yell, and then a hand wraps around my arm, tugging me back. “I have to get to her! I have to save her!”
“You can’t go out there, it’ll take you with her!” the man yells as two other people form a chain, locking hands and arms.
I don’t care. Let it take me because I can’t lose her. “Josh! Please! I can’t . . . I’m going to lose him!”
Her cries tear at my heart, ripping a roar out of my lungs as I go forward harder. I need to reach her. I can’t lose her like this. Not when I know what it is to love her. She needs me, and I will do everything, even at the cost of my life, to get to her. I’ll go down with her before I let her drift away.
“Delia! Look at me!” I yell as the car nudges farther down. “Don’t leave me, goddamn it! Don’t let go! Not again, baby. Don’t.”
She nods, and I inch forward. For once, the current isn’t against me, it pulls me closer, but my hand, which was gripping the people forming the chain, weakens.
“Hold on!” the man yells, and the wind and rain whip my face, making it hard to hear and see.
I try, but then a strong gust hits us, the car starts to move, and I panic. I need to get to Delia. I have to save her. I can’t let another person die because of me. I will not fail her too. I will never allow another person to die because I loved them.
I rush, the water coming higher, up over my head, but I don’t stop. I keep going, fighting, yelling, and kicking with all that I am to get there. I reach the window, but it isn’t her in there. She’s gone, swept away.
Just like everything in my life . . . lost.
“Josh!” Delia is there, shaking me. “Wake up!”
My eyes open, and I gasp for air. Her hands are on my face, and I’m covered in sweat. “What happened?”
“You were yelling my name. You were . . . I couldn’t wake you.”
It was a dream. Just a dream, but it was so fucking real. I could feel the water, the coldness seeping through my bones. My heart is pounding as though I were just back in that flood, fighting to reach her.
“You’re okay?”
She nods. “Yes, we’re here, and we’re fine.”
I move my hands, taking her face in mine, pulling her lips to me. I need her. I need to feel her, touch her, know she’s okay. God, I lost her. I’m going to lose her because nothing I love is safe.
Delia tries to pull back, but I move quickly, not allowing her to break away. Then she stops fighting. She kisses me with every bit of need that I’m feeling. The two of us, broken and lost in our grief, cling to one another.
I want to drown in her because she is life.
She moves to her side, her hands going to my chest, and I kiss her harder. While I know she’s not in danger, it’s as though my heart won’t settle in my chest. The terror that’s living inside me is too much, and I can’t breathe.
“Delia,” I say as if to call her back to me.
“I’m right here. I’m safe, and I love you.”
Love. God, she needs to see the destruction it brings, but even with knowing that I’ll be her demise, I can’t stop myself from loving her. Everything good in this world is her, and I am going to extinguish that because I wasn’t strong enough to stay away. I kiss her harder, deeper, with everything I feel, and say it all through my touch.
I love her.
I need her.
I’m going to lose her.
Her fingers slide through my hair, holding me where she wants me. I know she’s in pain. The loss of the child is too much for either of us. I see the way she looks at me, the way she holds in her tears, trying to be strong. One day, she’ll know the truth of why it all happened.
