Page 142 of A Moment for Us
“I thought you might.”
I hang up, grab the blanket off the couch, and rush out the door. Josh is on his feet before I get down the steps.
“What’s wrong?”
I don’t reply as I crash against him. In an instant, he has me in his arms, holding me back. “You were out here.”
“I was.”
“And I was in there,” I say, pulling back to look at him.
“I will stay out here if that’s what you need,” Josh says with all the honesty in the world.
“And if I need you with me?”
“There’s nowhere else in the world I’d rather be.”
I lift up on my toes and kiss him. “Let’s go home.”
He rests his forehead to mine. “Always with you.”
* * *
Josh and I sit hand-in-hand in Dr. Warvel’s office. The doctor helped Jessica after the plane crash, and we are hoping she can help us too.
We’ve gone through Josh’s past, and he’s been quiet since.
“What are you feeling?” she asks him.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s okay, take your time and try to piece them out. Then I want you to name them aloud so we can work on each separately.”
Josh looks to me, then to her. “Shame. Fear. Anger. Regret.”
Dr. Warvel nods. “Those are feelings I would expect someone to feel after what you’ve endured. Is there anything else?”
He squeezes my hand. “Karma?”
“Tell me more about that.”
The feeling in the room shifts. I can sense his discomfort, which seems worse now than it was when he was telling us about Morgan.
“It’s hard to explain, but it always felt like this was what I was owed. All the bad things were because I failed the people I loved most.”
Dr. Warvel writes something down. “Who did you fail before the drowning?”
“Everyone.”
At that, I tense because it doesn’t make sense. Josh has never failed the people he loves. He is there for them, always making sure they are okay.
“Specifically, who?”
“When I was little, it was always Grayson I failed. My parents were so hard on him, and I tried to make them focus on me. Then it was whatever girl I liked. I wasn’t funny enough or have whatever it was they needed. Forget my parents because there wasn’t a chance in hell I would ever be good enough in their eyes. When Morgan died, it felt like I was paying for whatever I had done.”
“Josh, that’s not true,” I say quickly.
Dr. Warvel lifts her hand. “It may not be true to you, Delia, but what Josh is describing is very real to him. Emotions aren’t rational, right? Sometimes we feel things that we might say to ourselves aren’t rational, but they’re still there. While the logical side of us knows it’s crazy, the emotions don’t care. That’s part of what we have to work on together. It’s getting you to feel what you feel, dealing with it, and then healing from it. That’s the work. That’s what I want to help you with.”
