Page 28 of A Moment for Us
“You didn’t ruin anything,” she replies quickly. “I know all too well how bad a migraine can be. I’m just glad the medicine helped.”
“Me too.”
Grayson walks over and places his hand on Jess’s back. “Are you going to come back after you drop her off?”
Josh clears his throat. “No, I’m going to head back to the lake. We have a busy few weeks coming, and I want to be sure we’re ready.”
“And you’re going to accomplish that at night?” Jess questions.
“First thing in the morning. Alex and I are going to the build site to see what Odette has done and then, I think, out to fish.”
“Right.” Gray’s voice is quiet, but it feels like he’s shouting. Not because of the lingering headache but because of the look in his eyes.
He clearly doesn’t believe that.
Jessica looks to both of them, shakes her head, and moves toward me. “Call me tomorrow?”
“Sure.”
“And the doctor.”
I smile. “Yes, Mom. I will.”
“Good.”
I give her a quick hug, and then Josh and I head out. The ride to my house is quiet. I lean my head back, watching the houses and trees we pass. Today has not gone how I thought it would. I’m tired, and my mind is a minefield of questions. I keep skirting them, afraid one will detonate if I step on it.
Josh pulls into my driveway and exits the car when I do.
I struggle to open the door, and he takes my hand, turning the knob. The heat of his body envelopes me. I really wish I didn’t feel so much when we touched. It would be great if, just this once, I wasn’t weak to him.
He stays like this, even though the door is now unlocked. I imagine what we look like in a statue form. His body wrapped around mine, one arm around my belly, his hand on top of mine, and his chest against my back.
I shiver.
“Are you all right?” His voice is low, vibrating through me like a tuning fork.
I don’t turn to him. I don’t move a muscle as I work to calm my heart. “I’m fine.”
“Delia.”
“Yes?”
“I’m just . . .”
“You’re just?” I ask, urging him to say something. Anything. To kiss me. To pull me into his arms like we’re in a damn movie and tell me how it’s always been me.
“I’m so goddamn conflicted when I’m around you.”
“Why?” I ask, wanting to know the answer as much as I fear what it will be.
“Because I’m not good for you. I will hurt you and . . .” He steps back, sighing deeply. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to be the man who breaks your fucking heart.”
I go toward him because I’m an idiot. There’s really no other reason than that. I want him. I want the scraps and the pieces that he’s throwing my way. It’ll all suck soon, but I can make it feel good for now. Nothing in life is guaranteed anyway, so I might as well take what’s offered.
Maybe I can love him enough for the both of us.
“Josh,” I say softly. “What if you can’t break me? What if I’m much stronger than that? What if it’s not your decision, but mine?”
