Page 98 of A Moment for Us
“No, I guess it doesn’t, but I feel like it could, and it might.”
Josh and I are new, and I’m scared of losing him as well. Of losing what is suddenly right in front of me. What if tomorrow, he wakes up and is like, “I’m out”? Then what? I am alone with two babies and a broken heart.
“Look, it will only end if we let it. I have no plans of letting you go, do you?”
“I’m not going anywhere, Delia,” he says with conviction. “Trust me.”
I want to believe him so much, but I too have insecurities. “I do trust you, but we both have fears and have to rely on each other to get us through it. I also know that life isn’t perfect.”
He nods. “It’s not, and I’m just as scared as you are, Deals,” Josh confesses. “I’ve had my fair share of disappointments too. I worry that you’ll wake up and be done with me or that something is going to happen to you and then what?”
He’s insane. I have never been able to deny my feelings for this man. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine. Why would I ever leave you, though?”
“Because I could screw it all up. I have before. I’ve failed and lost and broken things that were precious. You could walk out that door and then what?”
It won’t ever happen, but I understand fear. It’s not rational, and it feeds into the very worst of us, just like it’s doing to me now. We are both on unsteady ground, waiting for it to fall out from beneath us. I have to remember that.
“Nothing is guaranteed. I know this as much as you do. My parents were so in love and my mother thought they had a lifetime to love, but he died, and we had to go on. You have to stop living as though the other shoe will drop because, at some point, it always does. We have now, Josh. We have each other and the babies, and we have to live for now.”
He rests his forehead against mine with eyes closed. “I don’t want to think about losing you.”
“You won’t,” I promise.
It’s going to take time for him to believe that. For both of us to believe that. It’s been a long time coming, and all of it has happened so fast that it will take us time to really trust it.
Josh raises his head, and his blue eyes are filled with emotion. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then be happy. Smile, laugh, and love the fact that you’re going to be a father and that you have a pretty amazing girlfriend.”
“I have the most amazing girlfriend. You’re all I need.”
He kisses me as though there is nothing else he can do. As though my kiss can heal him as thoroughly as I want it to. I want to be his salvation and hope, but it scares me. What if I’m not enough?
I shake the thought loose and let it float away because I need to take my own advice and enjoy the now. Josh is here, he loves me, and that’s more than I ever thought I’d have.
Chapter 29
Joshua
“Where are you taking me?” Delia asks with a laugh as I walk her forward, covering her eyes.
“Just keep going. Three more steps.” She sighs and does as I ask. “Okay, stop.”
I drop my hands, and she gasps. The cabin we’re at is just down the road from Delia’s cabin, but it’s beautiful. The roof’s peak is incredible with floor-to-ceiling windows and the white holiday lights line it. There are smaller, softer peaks to the right and left of the center one, and a wraparound porch hugs the whole exterior. It’s a house that we all grew up admiring.
“Do you remember this place?” she asks with hesitation.
“I remember everything regarding you.” Her eyes widen, and then she looks back at the house. I come from behind her, taking both her hands in mine. “I met my brother’s friend here when I was twenty. My brother had been drinking and had passed out on the deck, and she called me to help move him.”
“She was probably pretty nervous to do that seeing as you were so much older than she was.”
I laugh. “She probably was, but she was brave enough to reach out.”
“I doubt your brother thought that. I seem to remember him not talking to her for a week because he had to do extra chores as punishment for waking his brother up in the middle of the night.”
“You’re ruining my story,” I scold her.
“Sorry. I’ll be quiet. Do go on about this brave girl and her selfless acts of heroism.”
