Page 105 of Forgotten Desires

I give her a big hug. “I’m glad to finally call you my sister.”

She kisses my cheek. “Imagine all the fun we’ll have driving him crazy.”

My brother groans and goes back to burning the burgers.

I lean into Crew. “Eat the meat with caution.”

“Excuse me?”

“I should’ve warned you, Grady and Asher are the worst at grilling, and each thinks they’re better. For whatever reason, Asher is in charge today and I’m going to assume it’s because he lost a bet, which means we all lose. Stick to the salads.”

He grins. “Thanks for the warning.”

We say hi to everyone else and I head inside to help Addison with all the sides as Charlotte and Phoebe head outside to try to supervise the grill. “So, how’s married life?” she asks bumping my hip.

“It’s good. We’re happy.”

Addison is the sweetest and most adult-like of my brother’s partners. She’s a little older, has been through a lot, and I can’t help but be comfortable around her.

“You really look it. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you smile so much.”

I focus on arranging the tomatoes on the platter, knowing that soon, I won’t be smiling, and neither will anyone else in this house. “Thanks.”

“Brynn?” Her voice is soft and full of concern.

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just . . . I have a lot going on and my head is kind of a mess.”

“Are you upset about Asher and Phoebe?” she asks.

I shake my head. “No, not at all. I’m happy if they’re happy.”

“Is it marriage things?” Addison asks and then looks down at what she is doing.

“No, nothing to do with Crew. I mean, we’re obviously stressed with the Layla stuff, but nothing between the two of us,” I lie. Then I remember the circumstances of her and Grady’s relationship. “Addison?”

“Yes?”

“When you and Grady had your . . . arrangement, how did you handle it when your feelings became real?”

She places the knife down and wipes her hand with the towel. “I didn’t handle it well. I made myself believe that it was going to end, instead of seeing that Grady never treated me like that was the case. We convinced ourselves that it had to be the end because that’s what we agreed upon. It was stupid, and while we didn’t handle it exactly how we should’ve, I’m not sure anyone does.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, grabbing a carrot.

“We’re human. We’re flawed and stupid and we listen to the voices in our heads that have told us we aren’t good enough our whole lives. We let fear guide us because it’s so much easier to believe the bad things than the possibilities of good. I believed I’d never love again because I’d lost the love of my life, only to learn you can have two. I was so afraid people would judge me for loving him and from the outside, it’s so easy to be like, ‘you should do this.’ When you’re in it, you can’t. You know?”

I reach out and take her hand. “Thank you.”

“For rambling?”

“For being a part of this family.”

She squeezes my hand. “The pleasure is all mine. I was an only child and now I have a very large family and one that has so much love it’s impossible to absorb it all. Now, are you going to tell me why you’re pale and seem nervous?”

Here I thought I was doing a good job keeping it together. Clearly not.

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