Page 124 of Forgotten Desires

Much too soon, he’s bundling me up in multiple towels and helping me out of the tub. “Stay right here,” he commands as he sits me on the bench at the foot of the bed.

There’s not a chance I could move anywhere without falling. “Okay.”

He comes back in with three different hairbrushes, sprays, and oils. “What do I use?”

I seriously love this man. With my whole damn heart.

I want to say it. I should now, I know this, but my eyelids droop just a little and the exhaustion weighs even heavier on me. If I said it, it wouldn’t be the right time. We have a lot to discuss after those words are put out there.

“The spray first, then oil,” I manage to get out I’m fading fast.

There’s a deep concern in his eyes as he moves to hold onto my shoulders as I teeter to the side. “Let’s get you in pajamas and then I’ll brush your hair.”

He grabs the oversized shirt pulling it over my head and then helps me get the arms in. I’m so weak, and the pain killers I took before the bath are so strong that I can barely focus for a moment. We get to the chair that I slept in last night because I couldn’t handle the bed after night one. I couldn’t get up and I screamed in pain when I tried. It’s so much easier from a sitting position.

As Crew runs the brush through my hair, I fall asleep, feeling so much hope that we’ll talk soon, and I can tell him that I don’t want our marriage to end.

I love you Carson Benjamin Knight and I want to keep you.

* * *

Recovery is like watching molasses drip.

It’s terrible and takes forever.

I hate every damn second of it. One would think being waited on hand and foot would be great, it’s not.

The one thing I’ve never been is idle. I want to get up, run, play with Layla, instead, I’m stuck in this apartment that once felt behemoth and now is like a cage.

“Rin, look what I have!” Layla says, running into the living room, where I basically live during the day.

“What is it?” I ask, pushing myself out of my funk.

“Animals!” She brings over a basket that’s filled with little plastic petting zoo animals and I force a smile. I want to go home.

I want to be aroundmyanimals. I miss them so much and while I get twice a day reports on their status, I just . . . want so desperately to be near them. It’s been ten days since the surgery. I came home after a week, no matter how much badgering I did, they wouldn’t relent and let me out early.

“They’re amazing, Layla.”

She beams. “Can we play for a little bit?”

Layla and Crew are the only things that have kept me from falling apart. During the day, Layla comes to see me almost every hour. I’m sure she’s driving the nanny absolutely crazy, but as soon as I see her beautiful blue eyes, my worries fade away.

At night, much earlier than a man who runs five companies ever should, Crew comes home and makes me smile until I have to go to sleep in this stupid recliner alone.

That’s when I fall apart.

But right now, I need to push that away and spend time with my stepdaughter who I adore.

“I would love to play.”

“Don’t get too tired, Rin.”

I fight back a laugh. “I’ll try not to.”

Layla hands me a cow. “Sometimes, when we play, you go to sleep.”

That’s another fun side effect that hasn’t gotten any better. I tire so damn easily. Talking, going to the bathroom, eating, anything you can think of makes me extremely sleepy.

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