Page 27 of Forgotten Desires

Last night was the most amazing and horrible night I’ve had in . . . forever. Dinner with Crew was like being a kid again. We laughed, talked, caught up on all the holes in our lives, and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. We were able to be ourselves and I had fun.

Something I didn’t know I was still capable of having with a man.

I’ve been with two men in my life. Both men hurt me in such different ways, leaving scars and pain in their wake.

With Jonathan, I was young and naïve. I wanted the fairytale—a man who was older and smarter and who saw me as a woman, not just a little girl who followed her brothers around. He gave me the illusion of that.

With Crew, it wasn’t a game or manipulation to possess power over someone weaker. We were equal, or at least it felt that way. Then the week ended and what went from one of the most fantastic nights turned into a reminder that life isn’t fair and men always leave.

“How was your meeting in New York?” she asks, her eyes probing as though she knows it wasn’t for business.

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

I nod. “It was fine.”

At least the first part was. The meeting where I found out that giving part of my liver was coming much sooner than I expected. That I can save my dad or at least have a chance to.

“Okay, then. Who did you meet with?”

“A few people,” I say, evading Phoebe’s eyes. I hate lying. I’m actually the worst at it, which is why the whole “being a lawyer” thing wasn’t exactly a good plan.

She sighs and laughs. “Brynn, you can tell me anything and I won’t tell Asher. I’m your friend and your soon-to-be sister. You can trust me.”

It’s not that I don’t trust her, it’s that I’m honestly afraid of everything about this surgery. Giving voice to it kind of makes it worse. However, I can’t lie to everyone. “I know I can. I want to tell you, I truly do, but . . .”

She reaches her hand out, gripping mine. “I won’t judge. I promise I won’t tell your brother.”

I swallow and force the words out. “In four to six weeks, I’m going in for surgery.”

Phoebe’s eyes widen and she leans forward. “Surgery for what?”

“My father needs a liver transplant and I’m a match.”

Phoebe, who is never without words, gapes at me. Her mouth opens and closes a few times. “Okay, then . . .”

“Not what you were expecting?”

“Not even a little. I thought it was going to be about Carson. Like, maybe you saw him and you guys reconnected.”

“Oh, that happened too,” I say with a shrug.

“Oh, sure it did. Okay, so, surgery and a billionaire.”

I sigh heavily. “It’s a lot.”

“It is, but why haven’t you told the guys? I know they’re protective to a fault, but they love you more than anything.”

“I know, but you guys have the wedding and school and a new baby. Grady and Addison are dealing with the merging of their families, and then we have Rowan, who just got married. Everyone is overwhelmed.”

Phoebe rests her hand atop mine. “And? So are you. How about we start at the top and end up with the New York trip, okay?”

I nod and fill her in on everything. I literally unload and talk more than I ever have. Phoebe listens, squeezing my hands at different parts and fighting back her own tears as I talk about how I feel regarding Howie. It’s such a hard thing to explain. To love someone who has hurt you so much, and to not know how to reconcile the two emotions.

It feels good to talk, though. Normally, I hold things in and let them fester, trying to battle the demons on my own, but Phoebe never interrupts, just lends me her support and asks questions along the way.

“What are you going to do about the money?” she asks after I explain the cost issue.

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