Page 45 of Forgotten Desires

“I’m so glad you’ve enlightened me on your plan. Rule number two, I need for us to abide by the fact that this isn’t real.”

“Meaning?”

I sigh, hating that I have to say it, but I need to put it out there. “We had a whirlwind romance. We were those people that fell in love in a week, fell hard, and when you left, it broke me.”

“Brynn—” I raise my hand.

“It broke my heart, Crew. I haven’t dated or been with anyone since you. I’m not saying this to be dramatic or hurt you in any way, I just need you to understand that I’ve been with two men in my life, and both relationships ended horribly.”

He winces and I know that he and Jonathan aren’t the same, but the damage to my heart didn’t differentiate. I loved him, trusted him, and he left me. I’ve forgiven and moved on, in a way, but that scar will forever remain on my heart.

I need to have an exit plan for this because getting married like this, building everything on lies and deceit, isn’t going to end well.

I know it and I’m pretty sure he does.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“And you’ve said that, but it doesn’t change the fact that it did. It hurt and it still hurts, and I’ve tried so hard to move past it, and I have, but . . . I don’t know, maybe I haven’t.”

The admission causes a pain in my chest, but I need him to understand why I need these rules.

“So let’s have it out,” he says, moving closer.

“Have what out?”

Crew starts to pace. “The past. The anger. The whole damn thing. I’ll go first. I hated you for making me question everything in my life.”

My eyes widen. “What? How the hell are you mad at me?”

“Because I was perfectly fine letting my life be what it was going to be. I fucked around, had fun, never felt a damn thing for any girl I spent time with, then I met you. You were so much more than I ever imagined.”

Well, that’s rich. He’s pissed at me for having a football thrown at my head. “Yes, I’m so sorry I was in your orbit when you and your idiot friend wanted to throw things at the pretty sorority girls.”

“That’s another thing!” he bellows. “You had to be nice about it.”

I glare at him. “Oh, don’t you even make this my fault! You couldn’t catch a football! You were the one who came to me, asking me my name and all that.”

“And I knew the first moment I met you that I needed you in my life. I couldn’t walk away. I couldn’t even think about leaving you at that moment.”

“You left me forever! You could’ve been honest and told me what our reality was! Instead, you let me love you. You pretended we could have more than just that week, let me live in that euphoric heaven and then dropped me in hell. So don’t you dare come at me like I did anything wrong. You broke me, Crew. You left me alone in that damn house, waking up after giving everything I had to you. You chose to leave me without even a damn note. I woke up, alone, naked, and searching for you, hoping that maybe you just went to get gas or breakfast. I thought you’d come back, and you never did. So, yeah, I need rules. I need to protect my heart because it wouldn’t take much for me to just let you back in and let you break me apart again.”

My chest is heaving as I let that all out. He moves closer, stopping a few feet away.

“I know you won’t understand it, but I couldn’t look you in the eyes and say the truth. I couldn’t see me hurt you that way. For the first time in my life, I hated my name, my family, my fucking mapped-out life. I thought, maybe if I don’t say it, I can fix it. I thought I could go to my grandfather, explain how I met someone, and I loved her, and he wouldn’t push the issue. I had a plan to come back to you, Bee. I’m sorry that plan was flawed from the start.”

I look down at the floor before I can return to his face. “We were young and stupid to think it could last.”

“But you’re still angry.”

I shake my head. “No, I’m just still trying to recover from another man making me think I could have something and then taking it from me.”

And that’s really what it comes down to. I believed in him—in us. I thought that he was going to be different, and I let my very trusting heart have free rein. That can’t happen now.

“So what are you asking me for?” Crew’s voice is low.

“I guess I just need us to be careful and not get caught up in the past. We had something special then, but we’re not those kids anymore. You and I don’t really know each other now. This . . . relationship . . . is flawed to start with, and to pretend otherwise is stupid.”

He nods. “I understand and see your logic.”

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