Page 106 of All Too Well
“You keep saying that, and I keep wondering if you know the definition of the word.”
Ainsley sticks her tongue out at me and Rose giggles.
“Daddy, I don’t want to get sick.”
“No, baby, I won’t make you eat them. We’ll make Ainsley eat them again, so she can remember how much she loves strawberries.”
“Or ...” Ainsley draws out the word. “We can make your dad eat them all and see if he gets sick. What do you think?”
Rose taps her lips and I inhale. “Hey! I thought you were on my side?”
She giggles. “How about no one gets sick? And we ride the rides? And we eat the cake and strawberries?”
Both Ainsley and I glance at each other. “That sounds perfect.”
We drive the next two hours, having to make three stops because Ainsley needed a soda, then to pee. The last time was because she thought she left her wallet at the previous stop—shedidn’t. Since then Rose has been chattering nonstop to a very attentive Ainsley.
“And then Rickie told Veronica who told Maddy that she didn’t really like me. I liked her, but she was mean to me, so now I don’t like her. But I love Maddy, she’s my friend.” Rose is moving on to her next topic.
“Wow, but maybe, just maybe, Rickie didn’t say that. Did you ask her?”
Rose sighs heavily. “No.”
“I understand that it hurt your feelings, but what if she said she didn’t like roses, not Rose West?”
My daughter seems to ponder that and then shrugs. “I’ll talk to her.”
Ainsley looks to me with a smile. “And you said I was a menace. Ha!”
“You are a menace. Both of you.”
Ainsley and Rose fist-bump.
We head over the bridge-tunnel, which fascinates Rose more than anything. “Are those ships, Daddy?”
“They are.”
“Did you know my daddy and your grandpa were on those ships?” Ainsley asks.
“They were?” Rose’s voice rises. “I didn’t know that!”
Ainsley looks to me for a second, disappointment flashing in her eyes before it’s gone, and she turns back to Rose. “When we were little, we’d get to come on board and see the ship. One time I got to ride on the ship.”
Yes, the tiger cruise, which was literal hell for me. I hate the ocean, and for three days I was trapped on the metal can, floating aimlessly.
Maybeaimlesslyis a stretch, but it felt like it to me.
The only bright spot was that Ainsley and Caspian came too. Her father wanted to start a program where navy families were able to see and experience what their sailors did. Since her dad was the Admiral, my father fell in line and was the captain of the ship that piloted the program. Which meant my familyhad no choice but to go, because we were taught to lead from the front.
We ate in the galley, we worked various jobs with sailors who sure as hell didn’t want to be there, and we drove the ship.
“Daddy, can we tell Grandpa I want to ride on the ship?”
The muscles in my chest constrict at the thought of talking to my father. He calls, sends gifts for Rose, and leaves long-winded messages asking for me to hear him out.
I don’t need to hear anything. He is the reason my mother chose to leave this world. She didn’t have it in her to fight, and it was because he left her long before she got sick.
Which means she left me and Rose.
