Page 40 of Edge of Heaven

I shake my head. “No. It’s four more months. I can survive. As long as I do what he wants, it’s not bad. He just gets jealous.” I bite my lip. “Honestly, my biggest worry is that he’s going to find out you were here in New York with me. He won’t like that at all.”

“Hettie said this catalog isn’t coming out for a couple of months. This was for the summer catalog. So it’ll be out in May.”

“Yeah.” I reluctantly pull away and reach for the nearby glass of water, taking a long drink.

“We can figure out a way,” he says. “Maybe Hettie can front you the money?”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to get to the end of this with any debt or anything else to worry about. It takes everything I have to focus on Toby getting better. Flying out to see him once a month. Finding jobs in between that work with my schedule and won’t piss off Callum. I can’t take on anything else, Mick. I don’t have any bandwidth left.” My eyes fill with tears yet again, and I squeeze them shut, hating my ongoing vulnerability.

“But why not go public with Toby’s struggles? I bet you’d get a ton of work just from sympathy… and everyone would want to help.”

“I’m trying to stay under the radar. My agent thought me being open about having a kid when I was sixteen would mess up my image. We don’t know for sure, but she figured we shouldn’t risk it. You know how judgmental some people can be. And now I’m walking a really fine line because I’m with Callum, who’s notoriously not well-behaved. If I’m going to get custody of Toby in the next year or so, I can’t have any drama in my life.”

“Being with Callum seems counterproductive in that regard.”

“I know, but publicly, he’s not too bad. The public doesn’t see how he treats me, or what goes on with the band behind closed doors. We’ve been together over a year, and so far everything has been fine. Four more months of letting him pay for Toby’s treatment and me staying under the radar. Then I’m free, not just of Callum, but to move back to California and work on getting custody of my son.”

“Will your mom fight you?”

“She will if she thinks I won’t be able to handle it. Generally speaking, she’s on board, but she thinks dating rock stars is bad for me and for Toby. Obviously, she knows Callum is paying for his treatment, but once we’re done, I have to walk the straight and narrow to get her to turn over custody. You know what I mean?”

“Damn, you’re just getting it from all over, aren’t you?” he murmurs.

“Now you know why I’m a mess.” I feel teary-eyed again and try to will them away.

“I’m sorry, babe.” I feel his fingers, a gentle brush against my skin, as he wipes away my tears. “Don’t cry anymore, okay? I don’t want to add to your stress. Tell me what I can do.”

I slowly open my eyes to find him watching me intently.

“Can you be my friend? Because I don’t really have anyone who’s there for me. Who doesn’t want anything. Who’s just…my friend.”

“I can absolutely do that.”

“The problem is, you can’t act like my friend. Our friendship has to be totally in secret. Maybe just when Callum is on stage. And that feels so shitty, but I don’t have a choice. You know how he gets.”

“Whatever you need. I never want to do anything that could make your life harder.”

I reach out and gently put my hand on one side of his face. “You were always so nice… why are you single?”

He shrugs. “A couple of reasons. Partly because I needed to see what was out there before settling down. Being a rockstar and being in a relationship seemed counterintuitive in the beginning.”

“That’s just one reason,” I point out curiously when he doesn’t continue.

His eyes grow shadowed, a look in them I’ve never seen before. “The other reason is a lot more complicated.”

“What do you mean?” I frown.

“It has a lot to do with the one who got away.”

He can’t be talking about… me?

Can he?

He’s certainly the one that got away for me, but it never occurred to me he might feel the same way.

“I… does that mean what I think it means?”

He lifts one shoulder. “Probably.”

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