Page 43 of Return Billionaire to Sender

“You think you’ll get a deal?” I ask him.

“We’ll see,” Malcolm says. His brown eyes look extra translucent in the natural light. “My guess is that Gerrold’ll be begging for me to buy in the end. My goal is always that they end up begging me to do exactly what I already want to do.”

“Another tick for self-esteem—and not the bug kind, either!” I say brightly, reaching for the iPad, willing my hands not to tremble. I have today’s video all cued up. I press play and there’s Jada and Antonio in the elevator telling elevator stories. I’m grateful for the way the footage reminds me of my goal here, which does not involve falling for the fierce allure of Malcolm Blackberg.

Antonio tells a funny story that involves gorilla costumes and a pizza delivery guy. Jada chimes in, describing the show Antonio was in at the time. I try not to smile, remembering the whole thing. This is my family.

“Question,” Malcolm suddenly says.

I pause the video and turn to him, full of hope. Is he going to ask a question about Jada or Antonio? “Yes?”

“What are your specific instructions? Regarding this training, that is.”

I’m not sure what to say—what are the instructions they give to coaches? I raise my chin. “That’s not your concern.”

“You’re to play the video for me, that much I’ve gathered,” he says.

“That would be one element,” I say.

“You’re to ensure that I sit in front of the video while it’s playing. Not looking at my phone.”

“Yes,” I say.

“How about this, then,” he says. “You’d set me up in front of the video and press play and then go about your business. I’d assure you that I’d sit in front of that screen for the full hour.” He brushes a bit of invisible lint from his sleeve. Two dark chunks of hair fall to his forehead, soft spikes grazing the top of his dark brows. “You’d have that promise from me.”

“Wait,” I say, “you’re asking me to let you watch it on your own?”

“You’d have my assurance that, wherever I am, it would be playing the entire time. Isn’t that what you’re here for? To play me this video? To see that I am present while it’s playing?”

“So you can turn off the screen or the sound and do other things the whole time?”

“You’d be able to say with complete confidence that I was present the whole time it was playing,” he continues, as though I didn’t just make a major objection. “And you’d tick off the box on your little form each and every day with a clean conscience, knowing that you’ve executed your duties perfectly. And I’d give you a nice tip at the end. Say, twenty thousand dollars. Very nice tip for a job well done.”

“Wait—what?” I feel my eyes widen. “Are you bribing me?”

“I think it’s customary to reward somebody for a job well done, don’t you?” he asks casually.

I gasp. “Youarebribing me.”

“I’m simply suggesting an alternate way to run this course. One that would benefit us both.”

“Oh my god,” I say, realizing that I probably sound completely naive, what with my utter shock. Also—twenty-thousand freaking dollars!

It’s a lot of money, but even if I took it and spread it around between my neighbors, it really wouldn’t do anything. Forty units, that would be five hundred per unit. We’d still have to move out. Maisey and John and some of the other older people would still lose their rent-controlled places. And worst of all, we’d still lose each other. Some of us have talked about getting a major house together somewhere in one of the boroughs, but nowhere really works, considering our different jobs and needs.

“Well? What do you think?” he asks, as though he’s wondering about my opinion on the color of his tie or something and not offering me abribe.

No amount of money will get me to sell out my friends, not that I can say that to him.

“No thank you, that’s what I think.” I push play and focus on the film. Kelsey’s telling about strange elevator conversations that she’s had, and then Antonio reminds her about the no-sex-in-the-elevator rule that was recently instituted. I bite my lip, remembering when that happened. There were some very bad offenders in the building, and let’s just say, you could always tell.

“Question,” Malcolm says.

I pause the video. “I hope you know, Malcolm, every time I pause the video, time gets added to the end.”

“Fifty thousand,” he says.

My mouth goes dry. “I’m not one of your negotiation foes.”

---