Page 6 of The Best Trick

“The owners might be there,” Zeus warned. “They seem interested in art, as it turns out.”

“They can ask me about cheese, but they’d better not want me to discuss art,” I said. “My favorite kind of pictures are dogs playing pool, painted on velvet.”

Odin groaned.

“Hey, that curly fries restaurant is coming up!” I said. “Curly fries! We haven’t had them in ages!”

“I’d like to get there on time and get situated,” Zeus said.

“Situated for what? We have nothing going on. And, dude, curly fries!” Zeus was usually as excited about curly fries as I was, and we knew and liked this restaurant, in part because of the lack of cameras in and around it, as well as the plentiful escape routes—an important restaurant feature when you're on the run.

“I want to be settled,” Zeus said mysteriously. “Be settled and get the lay of the land and all that.”

“What are you not telling us?” Odin demanded, turning to Zeus. “You’re in this big hurry. What the hell? Is there something concrete that you're responding to?”

“Wait, like a threat?” I asked. “Excuse me, but a girl likes to know whether her mortal enemies who want to kill and torture her and her three husbands are closing in.”

Zeus sighed. “It’s nothing.”

Thor and I narrowed our eyes at each other. Something was definitely up with Zeus.

“A guy likes to know that, too,” Thor said.

“Out with it,” Odin said.

“You'll see,” Zeus said. “It's a surprise.”

“Wait, what?” I asked. “What about our no-surprises rule?”

“Yeah, what the hell?” Odin complained. “You get to break the rules, but we don’t? Hell no.”

“I'm alerting you to the fact that it's a surprise,” Zeus said. “So therefore, it’s not really a surprise.”

“That’s still a surprise,” Odin said.

“Okay, let's call it a can't-miss-weekend thing we need to do that will be fun,” Zeus said.

“If you don't tell us what it is, then it's a surprise,” Thor put in.

“No,” Zeus said, “because now you know something is coming. A surprise is unexpected. If you’re expecting it, it’s not a surprise, is it?”

“What the thingiswill be a surprise, therefore it’s a surprise,” Odin said.

“Not if you know it’s coming,” Zeus insisted.

“Will we be surprised?” Odin asked. “Answer me that.”

“What is the exact definition of surprise?” Thor asked. “Surprise means ‘to be surprised.’”

“No, I disagree!” Zeus said. “It means unexpected.”

Thor and Odin pulled out their phones.

I groaned and grabbed my book.

My guys were major control freaks—bullheaded and bossy—which worked out great for sexytimes, but it led to a lot of arguments that devolved into issues of terminology, which were about as thrilling as the square dance channel. Zeus lost the surprise argument but still wouldn’t tell what the surprise was. He did, however, agree to stop for curly fries. We ordered a metric ton of food and got back on the road.

The sun was getting high in the sky, and the flat, brown landscape stretched out as far as the eye could see. I was definitely looking forward to some sunset cocktail hours. “Do you think the hot tub at this place has a view of the sunset?” I hoped so—sunset-view hot tubs were the best, and considering Malibu, it wasn't an unreasonable expectation.

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