Page 173 of Preacher Man

"It’s not fine when you’re looking for grounds to distrust me. We make a fucked-up pair when you think about it, Ruby." She winced but heard him out as he went on, they’d both started as fucked-up, issues unsolvable and then they had each other to lean on. "You want to save the world and I want to outrun it.” When Preacher smiled, it didn't reach his eyes like the revelation hurt him more saying it than it did her hearing it. The thing with clarity was once you knew you could do something about it. Even when it hurt, it was fixable. He wasn’t wrong, she’d jumped all over this ready to hang him rather than do the sensible adulting and listen to him. “Don’t do this, we’re good together."

She'd screwed up.

“But here's the truth as I see it, save your hard-faced appearance for other people, Ruby. I see through it to the real you that is hurt easily because you expect it. Don't use this stupid thing tonight to ward me off. You’re scared and won’t take a real chance because you think I’ll leave just like everyone else has. Here’s a clue, my wife. I’m right fucking here. All you have to do is reach out and be honest for once, even if you’re piss scared, even if you can’t be sure of me yet, just do it because you want to try because it’s a fucking need like it is for me. Be honest with your husband.”

Tipping up her chin he made sure she was looking directly at him before he added. “I think you fight wanting me, Ruby. But here’s something for you to think about. You should do all your fighting in my bed, underneath me. I swear to help you all I can, I’ll make it my duty with my cock deep, deep inside you while you have these mental conflicts.”

Be honest. Sounded simple enough. Just speak the truth of what she wanted, who she wanted to be, more importantly, what was truly between them. Reach out and take it. This was a man who wanted to take her pain and her soul and make everything better.

Who knew beneath the beard and his innate ability to charm anything in lace panties that Preacher would be that man. That man who cared---who was kind and thoughtful, who wanted to help just to make it better for her.

"I'm still angry. But Imighthave overreacted, Ash..." forehead puckered. Emotion within her breastbone.

"Don't say my name like that unless you mean it. I'm all in, remember. I told you so. Whatever we had to do to get the boy for you. Only you're too scared to take a chance because you're hiding what you feel, you don’t think I see it already sparkling out of those gorgeous eyes. And that's okay, I can be patient with that, until you start lying to me, Ruby. I’m not gonna stand for lies between us. I might be an asshole most of the time and I screw up but I'm no liar."

"It's not like that."

"It's exactly that from where I'm sitting. I don't like it when you shut me down like you did and since I'm the only honest one in the room I'll tell you, I stopped seeing anyone else the moment you were in my orbit when I realized I had a fucking chance with this amazing woman. No one else mattered after that. You were it. Youareit. I don't only want you, Ruby, I ----"

"Don't, Preacher." Her heart scared for the words.

He went on regardless. "I love you-----"

"Preacher..."

"I’m fucking stupid in love with you. I know you’re scared, but I’ll work with that, I’ll build everything around what you want. I want you to choose me. Choose us. Take a fucking chance on the unknown for once in your life and trust I'm there with you, that I will never hurt you in any way you expect from people and I'll always do my best for us. You are not alone. I’d never leave you alone. I'm fucking crazy in love with you, so fucking crazy it drives me mad wanting you to choose me back, I’d chase you to the goddamn end of the world, that’s how much I want you." She could hear the threads of determination through his voice.

He loves me. He loves me.

Her head swam and her heart started this crazy jazz beating inside her ribcage, a fast thump-thump-thump.

Oh, my god. Preacher in love with her? Was she dreaming?

Tears closed the back of her throat rendering her unable to speak, fingers clung to the front of his shirt, listing her weight into him, both of his hands locked around her waist keeping her right there like he could see and understand the surprise running rampant through her mind, his lips ghosted over her temple. One of those lovely, sweet forehead kisses she adored in movies.

“Don’t let pride get in the way of us being together, for real, none of this pretense shit. I fucked up like a giant jackass, I’m a guy, we’re slow at the best of times, I should have been telling everyone I was taken, let me own that and fix it. You can trust me, you can let down every fucking wall, beautiful, I’m here to shield you from everything if you allow me to. We need each other, Rubes.I need you, don't push me away, I’m not going anywhere.” Lips touched her temple. “You think I didn’t see the shutters coming down instantly without even hearing me out? That fucking gutted me, but I won’t let you do that. We’re past it, aren’t we? If you gave me a chance, beautiful, I’d take it. Give me the scared parts of you. Give me the dark fantasies, the wounded pride and the fear you have. I'll take care of it, you can trust in that.“

Everything inside that was strong because she'd always had to be collapsed, she cupped the side of his face, the soft hairs tickling her palm. This man. This man right here. When she could talk around her fuck up, she did, she had no choice but to lay herself bare. “You fucking floor me.Jesus. My ugly truth is; I couldn’t allow myself to need you, Asher. The second I need someone they take advantage and I was so damn scared to trust you.” Her voice was small sharing her deep-seated doubts. “The crazy thing is, I’ve been cynically awaiting something like tonight, so when I saw it, it was ahhh, yeah there it is, told you so, Ruby. I didn't know I'd grown so pessimistic. I'm sorry, I should have given you the chance to explain, I trust you, I swear.”

“I’m right here, baby. You can need me, I promise nothing bad will happen if you do. If you want something I'm going to get it for you, you need anything you come to me for it, it's yours.” She hiccupped a sob and buried her face in his chest.

This fucking man. “You’re so hungry for love. And I think I am, too. Let me love you. I'll love you like no one ever has until you have no more doubts. I'll fuck you morning, noon and night until my sweet little darling purrs only for me, until you know how in love with you I am.” Every damn wall crashed and she opened her heart, clutching his shirt, feeling his hands range down her back gently.“There’s been this hole in the center of my chest for a long time. The club,fuck. The club saved me in a lot of ways and it went some way to closing that hole, but you Ruby, you cemented it up, you filled me until I didn’t ache anymore. I want you at the center of me, my fucking universe." His voice was rich deep, lulling with the timbre.

Oh, god. He was killing her in the sweetest possible way. Tears formed and fell, tears he kissed away, hushed her with sweetly whispered words until she was ready to talk.

“I don’t know where you came from, Asher. Like you walked out of the clouds right when I prayed the hardest for someone to be on my side.”

He smiled and rubbed circles on her back, she melted against him. “I was waiting for the most beautiful woman to notice me. She was a little slow and a lot stubborn.” He grinned when she nudged him in the belly. “But damn, does she makes me crazy, stirs me up, and here’s a little secret … I want her to need me.”

Ruby looked up, eyelashes wet, he brushed the diamond tears from under her eyes, kissed the tip of her nose, loving her with small endearing personal touches between a man and a woman.

“Do you need me, too?” Tentative questioning.

“Every day.” No hesitation. His head dropped forward, pressing their foreheads together. “I need you every day to breathe, Ruby. You’re in my lungs. You know, like an addict, when I'm in, I'm all the fuck in. I’m in this for us, I’m not giving up. You make me want to be better.”

"God, Asher." That did it. Her heart went ballistic and she gave him the key to her lock. "I love you, back. I love you so much. I don’t know what happened, Asher. Suddenly you were just there, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you, every minute. And you made Monday’s feel like Fridays. I love you so much.”

He laughed. "Beautiful..." It was the dirtiest, sexiest laugh. "I've never been given anything so goddamn perfect before. I love you." Their noses knocked and he dipped down to kiss her, she met him halfway, tasting him with slow kisses.

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