Page 60 of Preacher Man

“I don’t have any plans to leave.” He hedged finally and Shark nodded. He was wise not to reach out and clap Hawk on the arm.

He hated being touched but not for the reason someone would suspect.

Too many hands on him once upon a time. He did the touching now. With pain and fear.

“Good, son. We’re having some grub, you’re welcome to join us, that is if you can resist throwing a brother across the room.” Said lightly, the charm fell away from Shark’s eyes, he didn’t get the name because he was warm and cuddly. His warning clear.

Hawk shrugged. Shark took it for his answer, turned and left him alone. He could hear them all in the main area. It made him think of his own club. If he was missing Snake then he seriously needed some brain re-tuning because that idiot was annoying, always amused, who had that much to laugh about was what Hawk wanted to know.

A ping from his phone alerted to a message.

And god in hell his whole heart just seized up in his chest seeing a name.

Shenevermessaged. Not in a long time. Not since he ignored her on his birthday. Women didn’t like being ignored, he knew it was the simplest way to get her to leave him alone without being a dick to her.

Gia. Right there on his phone screen. Bold as brass like she had a right to be in his shit.She could take all the rights she wanted with him.In his darker times, those weak moments she was the one he wanted to reach out to and bring her into his shadows, keep her there until it swallowed her up and the monsters had their fill.

Close it out.He told himself.Don’t fucking engage. He didn’t need to see anything she had to say.What if it’s an emergency and she needs me? His heart thumped out of sync.

It was no big deal he’d wanted to fuck Rider’s baby sister since she was seventeen. With her tiny tits poking out of her shirt and that sweet baby innocence in her large eyes, he’d wanted to throw her on the ground, mount her and show her what it was to satisfy the hunger of a deranged motherfucker leaving no skin left untouched by his come. She’d be dripping before he was done.

No big deal. He was a fucking animal then and now for wanting her. Rider would slice him from navel to eyebrows if he ever caught the flavor of some of Hawk’s darker thoughts about Gia.

His little bit of a thing was an addiction he shared with no one. And she wasn’this.

He had a damn nerve wanting her. Someone should punch him in the face until he caught some common sense, or knocked into a coma where she'd be free of his deviant dreams.

His neck prickled. A tension only she brought boiled under his skin.

Fingers shaking, he plonked his ass down on the edge of the bed, a scowl marring his overgrown hairy face, the beard scraping his chest. He could give a shit about his appearance, it ran low on his list of priorities, loyalty to his brothers and staying alive ranking highest, but when he thought about the type of man Gia deserved, the man who would worship her,hewas not a scruffy bastard with so many mental illnesses they stacked ten deep. He'd be a good man, a kind man, the type of man to deserve Gia.

Hawk was a piece of scum to want to stab his filth into her. He felt guilt even thinking of her in his darkest moments when he was weakest and she crept in to taunt him with everything he couldn’t have.

Not good enough.

Leave her alone.

He’d left her a-goddamn-lone for near ten years.

His thumb scrolled to open the text message.I can handle itwas the single biggest lie he’d told that day. Feeling every punch of his heart against his ribs.

His cock awoke, alive and hurting. He almost had to pop open a button on his pants when his thoughts descended into how wet and tight she’d feel. Just how soft she'd be ... all over.

His own personal siren nightmare. What else could it be when his body only sparked alive when it was her. She made his lungs work, his heart beat.

It was a goddamn disease is what it was. Both brows pinched together, ready to delete without reading when he saw;

G: 9:57- Hi, Hawk. Ambrosio said you were out of town for a while. Everything okay? Hope you’re good.

Hope you’re good. He read that sentence ten times.Hope you’re good.

Good was for normal men like Rider, who had found some slice of happiness for himself with that girl of his. From what he heard she was shaping up to be a worthy queen for the Renegade Souls.

Zara still made his scalp itch. It was instinctual, and not at all personal to the smaller woman. He’d saved her for Rider, it was also instinct, knowing how devastated Rider would have been had Hawk walked away and not killed Hades.

She’d done nothing to him and still, he was afraid of even talking to her for fear of seeing his shit mirrored back at him. She'd hugged him and he'd wanted to vomit all over the floor. Not her fault and all to do with him, he was a fucking basket case.

He wasn’t good. He was a goddamn cruel bastard.

---