Page 131 of Filthy Love

“Time for bed,” he growled sweeping her into his arms, loving how she wrapped her arms and legs and buried her hands in the back of his hair and gave him a half-lidded dreamy grin.

Midway along the hallway he said. “I screw up, Gia. I’m walking blind here. I have an ocean of darkness inside me to see through. And that’s not me blasting some poetic hippy bullshit. It’s how I feel.”

She stroked his hair like she was comforting him. Her eyes were soft. “Because you feel, right?”

Hawk’s brow furrowed. “Yeah.”

“Feeling is good. Feeling sometimes hurts, but when it’s good, it’s amazingly freeing, Hawk. Let yourself feel.”

He got lost in the feel of her lips across his cheek, blood rushed to his groin and he almost tripped over his own fucking feet in his haste to get into her bedroom.

Fucking his Gia right now was all that was on his mind, not digging into his psyche but he knew she needed the words as much as their physical connection.

“Loving someone shouldn’t be the most difficult thing you do. It’s the easiest. As natural as taking that first breath and all the ones that come after it. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you when I was too young to fully understand the complete structure of how it would own my entire heart from that day on. How could I have planned for a man like you, Hawk?” She laughed a little, churning his insides every time he heard her say those words. “You think I loved you too soon or shouldn’t love you at all. But I won’t ever regret it.”

And right then as he slid Gia down to her feet and she gave him her sexy little smile of hers that pushed blood directly to his wanting cock, about to dive into kissing those lips that declared love for the fucking monster, his phone vibrated.

He should have ignored it.

Seeing a new Nebraska number on screen had acid rising into his throat. That fucking fuck! Blood bled behind his eyes, rage … andfeargrowing quickly.

“What’s wrong?”

He ended the call and switched it off, shoved it away. “No one I wanna talk to right now.”

“Who was it? You look ready to rip someone’s head off.” Hawk realized he hadn’t breathed in seconds, he dragged in air and avoided.

He went for normal, there was no fucking way he was spilling this bullshit to her. Flicking a cocky smirk, he touched the edge of her shirt. “Take your clothes off, baby.”

“Seriously? We’re not even gonna talk about that?” She knocked his hand away. “I need a shower.” She snapped without looking at him. “You can stay or go, it’s up to you as always, but if you stay be ready to use words of more than one grunted syllable,baby.” And she turned on her bare feet and left him metaphorically holding his cock.

Well he fucked that up as always.

No intentions of leaving, he discarded his coat and cut on the floor, loosened the laces on his boots and threw himself in the soft armchair over in the corner. Every inch of the bedroom was Gia. All pinks, whites and softness. He let it soak into his skin while he did his best to ignore the fucking phone call. Either the money never arrived which he’d knew was a goddamn lie or they wanted more. The latter being the more obvious.

Greedy cunt. He needed rid of that problem.

Hawk listened to the water come on and imaged his Gia soaking wet and not just from the water. He wanted to be the one to have her soaked. Because that was the deviant bastard he was.

She was right, he felt more now than ever. And it was because of her.

Had he been born with a soul? It was doubtable. He was told from a young age how evil he was. He’d often wondered if it were possible to walk upright, conversing and participating with life with just the idea of where his soul should be. He felt wrong, as if he’d put together with pieces missing in the haste to make him. Worse, did people see that lack in him?

Is that why everyone left in the end?

The image of Gia filled his head.

The flow of her dark, rich hair, and the intoxicating way she had of looking at everyone as if they were the only person in the world, her focus was absolute and each person that met her knew it. She deserved a man with a soul, didn’t she? A man with a moral compass that pointed in the correct direction, not a man who’d killed and would kill, not a man who couldn’t feel guilt for the things he’d done in his life. A man with a soul would care.

He wished he could be different, because as fucked up as he felt, he was capable of loving someone. He loved her, had loved her for a very long time.

Wrong disgusting love, forbidden love only he knew about.

A love that would drive him to his death if he were lucky.

But a prick like Hawk wasn’t fortunate, for fucks sake how often had he been near death and he was here to tell the tale? It was sheer obstinate will and not luck.

As usual just when he got back on even footing that cunt reared their ugly head to fuck with him again.

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