Page 167 of Filthy Love

He was using sex.

Now she really was worried.

“Who is the woman, Hawk?”

He gusted a sigh, hands on his hips, before he strode over to her, grabbed her hips and pulled her into his body, his head dropped so she was able to see the paleness of his eyes under his lashes. Something swirled in them … deep and unsure, before they shuttered close. “It’s no one, Gia. Some fucking headcase, I’ll deal with it.”

“So, you do know them.”

“Yeah.” He sounded about as pleased about that as learning he had seconds to live. Running her hand over his beard, she angled closer.

But something was on her man’s mind, no matter what he said. She wasn’t fucking born yesterday.

Did she push in hopes of making him talk or would it only result in driving him away?

“You never give us a real chance, Hawk, when you close me out. I’m not saying something is wrong, but that’s the impression I’ve had these past few days. I just want to know all of you. If something is up I want to help you. That’s what couples do. I love you, I want to help.”

And when he didn’t exactly push her away, but stepped out of their hold, her chills of doubt became colder. His literal and figurative distance was very telling.

“You need to let this go, Gia. You know who I am. What I am. I told you this already, didn’t I?”

“Just tell me this then and I’ll drop it, I promise.”

Blues met and held. Oh, her sweet man. She wished he wasn’t so in his own head sometimes. But she had to allow him to be who he was. Her pushing him to fit in her space just because she was more outspoken and confrontational didn’t mean he was wrong, it just meant they had to learn to coexist on a shared wavelength.

Frustrating? Sure. But she’d do anything to have him in her life.

“A woman recognizes another woman’s scars left behind on her man. Someone’s been calling you and you get agitated … angry afterward. You close off again and I have to fight that much harder to be let in. Is this woman someone important who’s trying to be back in your life?”

That great rattling sound started in his chest, his head lowered, chin to chest, and she watched veins appear along his forearms as he clenched his fists tightly. “She’s fucking no one to me.”

“Okay,” she replied letting go of a breath. “I love you, even when I can see you want to walk out of here. I’m glad you haven’t, baby.”

Hawk sighed long and low, then lifted his head, and he swept her into his arms, her feet dangling just hanging there, he buried his head in her hair.

“I’m fucking useless with words. You’re a head shrink, you should be with someone on equal footing as you, little bit.”

Banding her arms around him her heart ached. Because she knew whole heartedly he believed that and her fear being one day he’d carry through and leave her to find someone he thought would match her better.

******

He could feel her shaking and it made his gut hurl around bile. His gorgeous, courageous, sensitive woman was worried for him. Striding to the high back chair in Gia’s living room he held her on his lap.

This fucking shit just wouldn’t stop dogging on his heels. Now the bitch was calling his club? For a straight up killer, he was displaying some cowardly fucking antics when he knew the solution. She wanted more money. Money to keep her mouth shut. But as he’d told Rider, this woman curled on his lap, so fucking sweet and patient even though he didn’t deserve it, was his priority.

He couldn’t accept her shaking or worrying.

Not because of him.

He fingered through her hair. The beauty of Gia constantly stole his air. With a voice like chipped glass he spoke low against her neck.

The pulse there hammering on his lips. “I’m not used to giving a fuck for anyone, Gia. Or spilling my guts about my feelings. I wanna do both with you.”

“Just be open with me, baby. I want to match your jagged edges. You don’t have to hide who you are, what you feel and think. I’m here for it all.”

Open. Honest. Truthful.

Pour his guts onto the floor, let it destroy like roiling lava and hope she could stomach what he regurgitated. He’d kept everything inside for so long he didn’t even know if he could force all his nightmare out. “I’ve been trying to outrun my past, but it keeps getting its talons in me, dragging me back to places I don’t wanna go. It won’t let me move forward. It keeps me prisoner, chained to the stains. As much as I fight, I keep losing.” He heard her inhale and when she drew back her eyes were brimming with unshed tears.

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