Page 173 of Filthy Love

“Nope. She kept us isolated. I don’t even know if she had other family, except for those meetings and who would know I was being abused when I didn’t have bruises? Lisette was a smart kind of crazy. After a while those basement meetings increased to two-three times a week. I don’t know what those sickos thought they were achieving scaring a kid bad enough to piss himself.”

The memories of being scared and all those hands on him to rid the devil from his body forever lingered. It wasn’t sexual but abuse all the same. Hawk as a small boy was petrified of all adults and those dark days lingered in his adulthood since he still hated being unnecessarily touched. The sum of fights he’d been in since his teens was evidence to his demand ofnever fucking touch him.

“By the time I was eleven it was the norm that I felt like shit most every day. Lethargic, puking, listless, headaches. I ended up in the hospital a few times where Lisette would put on an Oscar worthy show for all the sympathy she received for her sick kid. It never occurred to me this woman who was, what anyone would say a devoted mom, who baked cookies and hugged me in front of cartoons, would also be the one making me sick with her special mom milkshakes laced with drugs.”

To give his hands something to do he stalked to the fridge, poured Gia a glass of her Riesling and placed it in front of her clasped hands, before taking his seat he stroked the back of her head.

“God, Hawk. All this is just … fucking terrible. I can’t believe you went through so much.”

“It was life, little bit.”

Those fuckers really did a number on him. A kid who couldn’t defend himself. A kid who only wanted to go to school and ride his fucking bike.

“It got worse when I killed a guy.”

Just like the blunt asshole he was, he dropped that anvil and watched Gia almost choke on a sip of wine. Shock stole across her beautiful face.

“I was eleven and he was the creepiest of the guys in the basement. He tried to shove his hand in my pants. I reacted and shoved him. I was still a reedy kid, but he tumbled down the basement stairs and broke his neck.”

He recalled the pandemonium of those bitches. All their suspicions were coming true, of course. He was evil. Forgetting the fucking fact, he’d stopped a pervert from grabbing his junk. “It was the only time I saw Xavier there. Like the great asshole he was, he took the body and we heard no more about it. No cops, no investigation. When I saw the guy there on the floor, his neck twisted, soulless eyes open looking back at me I felt fucking relief, Gia. I thought finally, they’ll take me away to prison. Even at eleven, prison was more desirable than staying in that place with those people.”

Pressing her lips together he heard the choked sob from his woman.

“I want to go back in time and grab you up, Colton. I want to protect you from every fucking adult who should have done it already. I want to take you away from people who don’t deserve you.” She dropped her head over her hands.

It was the tears splashing onto her fingers he concentrated on.

Little pools of his Gia.

“Little bit, don’t cry.Please. I can’t get this out if you cry.”

“I can’t help it. You were a fucking kid. I hate them all.I’m glad that man is dead.” She snarled.

He smiled. His little girl so protective and lovely. Touching her fingertips across the table he let her squeeze his fingers.

“Around my fourteenth birthday I started blacking out. Lisette said I’d developed seizures. I believed her, why wouldn’t I? It happened more and more. Losing chunks of time, I couldn’t account for, usually at night. I’d wake the next morning feeling like death warmed over, like I was hung over. Nausea and headaches plagued me for months. She’d tell me I passed out in front of the tv, or at the dinner table. I believed her.”

A chill raced down his spine. Sweat gathered on the back of his neck. Hawk popped up from his chair and paced the length of Gia’s kitchen, he ended up in front of her. Tears glistening her eyes. His belly hurt so fucking much. He didn’t want her to know any more.

But how could he move on, how could he try to make a fucking life with Gia if he wasn’t honest, if he didn’t vomit his past out on the floor to let her decide if he was still worth it?

“Gia.” His head cranked down to rest their foreheads, she gripped the back of his neck, twinning fingers in his hair. Her touch welcome. So, fucking welcome. “I wish so fucking much that I was stable enough for you.” So, fucking much.

It was never her father’s threat that stopped him pursuing something with her. If not for the sordid shame he carried he would have easily seduced her. Even at seventeen. He knew this. He would have been the big fucking bad wolf and took her when she was too young.

If anything was a cancer inside Hawk, it was the love he felt for this woman. It never quit. It roared through his heart until he could scream wanting her.

He breathed and wished he’d met her sooner, wished he was born in some other life.

“I want you just as you are, Hawk. I swear it. Just you. This is for you as much as it is for me. I think you’ve held onto all this bad inside you for too long.” Tentatively her hand came up and brushed his cheek.

There was never any revulsion when she touched him.

He needed the strength to go on.

Just a minute, his obsession whispered. Just a minute of her first.

He wanted a kiss before …

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