Page 174 of Filthy Love

He agreed and swooped down, nuzzling her lips, asking silently for her to open for him.

She opened instantly on a whimper and gave him what he needed.

Harmony in the form of a disruption from resurfacing memories pouring out from wounds long since glued shut he was now slicing opening again.

The kiss drowned him.

It soaked him deep, her fingers scratched the side of his face lightly, reminding him he was alive, he wasn’t that person no more. Not a scared, defenseless kid.

He was strong and more than capable.

Once his mouth was full of her flavor, he raised his head as if drunk on his own legs.

The sense of suffocation no longer pressing on his chest.

“You’re so perfect.” He whispered backing up a step.

“No, I’m not. I’m human. I make mistakes, Hawk.”

“You’re perfect to me.” And that’s what mattered. To him she was pedestal worthy. The untouchable goddess.

People who should never have been allowed to bring a child into the world made him into an animal. They piled him with so many neuroses to guarantee he would never be afforded a normal, happy life.

None of it was his fault and still he was trapped in a web of darkness yanking at him, trying to pull him under.

Did he want the same for Gia? Did he want to invite her into the dark with him?

She needed the light.

Fuck.Shewas the light. Wasn’t he gravitating towards her like she was everything to him?

“Hawk. Please, finish it.” She implored wiping under her eyes. “You can do this, baby. Let it all out.”

Grabbing at his hair he heaved in air like a dying man.

All the words he needed to say were there. Right. Fucking. There.

And he was choking on them.

His knees creaked as he paced. “I can’t do this,” a pneumatic drill played in his head.

“You can,” softness at his back was when he snapped. She took a step back when he rounded on her.

“I can’t do this!I can’tfucking do this. You don’t need an animal like me, Gia. Jesus. You must be crazy. They made this, Gia! I’m disgusting! You don’t even know.”

But the quiet rage wouldn’t quit. Heartburn in his chest. Hawk went down on his haunches, head bowed, he warded Gia off when she made to come to him.

“You can tell me anything. I don’t care, Colton. Don’t you get that? You sharing this isn’t for me. It’s for you, baby. It’s to set you free before it eats you alive.”

Sweet and kind was his Gia. He loved her until he wanted to die from it.

Hawk laughed, and it was a short, tortured sound. An animal caught in a trap and accepting its death.

“I’m trash, little bit, and I can’t have you. They made me into this. I don’t know how to be anything else.”

“Why?Why,Hawk? You know that isn’t true. I can’t change how you think about yourself. But I don’t think that of you. I love you endlessly.” Her voice cracked, and he couldn’t raise his head, couldn’t bring himself to drag his insignificant piece-of-shit-self up off the floor to see her beauty. Because if he did he’d go to his knees and beg this little bit of a thing to love a monster. To accept him as he was. What they made him into before he had a real chance at life.

To please love him, cracks and all.

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