Page 39 of Intimately Faithful

Even when she took the job in Chicago which eventually transferred to Colorado.

It was only her own guilt and cowardice that stopped her.

How could Danny forgive her, when she couldn’t forgive herself?

While she stayed away and closeted herself in the warmth of her own lonely grief from missing Danny, she could still pretend there was a lick of a chance he’d forgive and forget.

Facing up to the mistakes you caused wasn’t always easy but a necessity for a modicum of peace.

She’d had no peace all this time.

“We had such a good date. I ate that fancy pate for the first time on those little cracker things, you laughed at me because I couldn’t stop moaning about how yummy it was.”

She left out how they’d made love feverishly several times in the back seat of his car. How she went home that night sore and happy with the knowledge her boyfriend loved her and that one day very soon they’d leave their little town, get married and live in sated bliss wrapped up in the obsession they felt for each other.

She’d been so sure of their plans, that what she’d walked into when she let herself into her house, poleaxed her like nothing else.

He must be filling in the extra too when she dared look over his way, because his eyes darkened to two stormed pools, and his fingers were knuckle white gripping the cup so tightly.

Aoife cleared her throat and shoved a lock of her unruly hair behind her ear. Why she bothered she didn’t know, because it would spring free in seconds.

Habits were hard to break.

“I got home, and I intended to call you. I missed you already, though you only dropped me off moments before. I was going to shower, slip into bed and talk until we fell asleep.”

They’d talked that night about finding a place together and Aoife had been so happy.

Cloud nine happy.

A few minutes changed all that.

“Mammy and da were there, arguing as usual. About money, no surprise there and that’s when he told me his gambling debts were being settled, but only if I married Padraig Doyle. I thought he was joking, Danny. I really did.”

A two-year marriage later it was no joke.

“Da basically said he was dead if I didn’t do this for him and how I had to stop being so ungrateful and contribute to the family. Padraig owned all those casinos in Dublin and Cork and da was into him for a lot. More than we could ever raise. He also said that if I didn’t get him out of his mess, that I was going to be thrown out of the house and I’d be dead to them. Mammy backed him up without saying a word in my favor.”

Aoife sat silently when she let him adjust to how she’d destroyed both of their lives in moments. She looked over and saw how tightly he was grinding his teeth from the rapid flex of his cheek muscle.

Anger meant he still cared.

That what happened bothered him to a degree he was losing his cool.

She had to grasp onto that tightly in hopes it meant something positive for them eventually.

“I begged, screamed and pleaded with them for hours, Danny. I want you to know I didn’t agree just like that. I didn’t have a choice. You know how da was then, his gambling would have gotten him killed by the wrong people. He forbid me to tell you, because he feared you and the rest of the Murphy’s.”

When his voice came it sounded raw, grated over burning coals. And it hurt more than she could have anticipated.

“You didn’t even consider me, Aoife,Us?” When his head lifted from over his clasped hands his eyes were turbulent, and she had the urge to weep. “Do you recall what you did that night?”

God, she did.

Her belly clenched in cold, greasy pain filled grips.

She’d lived with that memory on a loop. She’d been so desperate and filled with hurt.

“You sneaked into my bedroom window and asked …beggedto be fucked hard.Don’t hold back, Danny, you told me. I consumed you, Aoife, for hours. Unsure why you seemed withdrawn and yet possessed. It was only when I woke and found you gone and then I couldn’t reach you for hours that day that I realized what your declaration meant.I’ll forever love my Galway boy. You got a last fuck out of me and then you agreed to marry the local thug for his money and never considered talking to me about what your da was throwing at you. Your fucking note wrecked me, Aoife. You’d left with that guy even before I knocked your front door down and your da told me to leave you alone. That you’d found love elsewhere.”

---