Page 40 of Intimately Faithful

His tone was low… animal-rough and it tore at Aoife from all corners.

She’d lived this truth for years and yet it cut her deep to hear how he reacted to it.

She felt a sob brew in her throat and she about threw herself off the couch and rushed across the floor, dropping to her knees in front of him.

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I swear to you, I swear it, Danny. I broke my own heart because I knew if I talked to you, you would have done something about it. You would have killed da, or worse … done something to pay his debt and then you would have hated me for making you resort to your own da’s level. You would have done it, Danny, don’t deny it. They would have had a hold on you forever. I knew you were trying so hard not to turn out like your brothers.”

Openly weeping, she swiped at the tracking tears unable to stop their heavy flow, her eyes imploring him to please believe her.

She’d been in the worst possible position of her life, the tunnel had no light, whatever way she turned it was dark and cloying and she’d been so lost trying to protect her love and her stupid family.

Laying her head on his lap she cried for all the stolen years.

For the lonely moments and the millions of seconds she’d missed what they’d made between them.

He laid his hand on her head, tangling his fingers in her hair. Stroking her scalp.

“What’s done is done, sweetheart. You have to forgive yourself and move on and be happy.”

The thrill shooting through her made her head come up, and his eyes were so very grave, gazing down at her. Full of empathy and forgiveness but none of the passionate man who’d just been given the truth of why his life was so different.

He’d replaced man with pastor so easily.

“I can’t be happy, Danny. I’ve been stuck in this nightmare all this time, hating myself because I chose wrong. I should have walked away. I should have run as fast as I could to you and beg you to leave with me. I should have let da deal with his own troubles and not allow him to emotionally blackmail me.”

“Do you still see them, your parents?”

Aoife wiped her eyes using the sleeve of her T-shirt.

She’d never subjugated herself … not really, though she’d given in so often to other people’s wants it sometimes felt like she was one person’s personal punching bag after another. But sitting at his knee with a glimmer of hope in the air, because she’d finally been able to voice everything she’d wanted, it felt right to be there.

She played with the seam lining of his jeans, aching to climb up into his lap.

“Not if I can help it. Mammy calls sometimes but I’m not interested in whatever scheme da is up to these days. He wasn’t pleased I didn’t get anything in Padraig’s will. Like I’d take his damn money.” She hissed her disgust. Even now her father didn’t own up to his culpabilities. If anything, he still blamed Aoife for walking away without a penny. She’d told him she wasn’t his cash cow and until he could be a proper father, she was no longer interested in seeing him.

“I almost relented and came to find you, about six months later. I always knew where you were, not like your family shut up about how their Aoife made it big.” Danny said, her eyes wide, her heart thumping.God. “I think once my anger vanished I finally saw how out of character that was for you. You wouldn’t have broken us without a good reason and I never took the space to realize it at the time.”

“D-did you come to find me, Danny?”

He shook his head and her heart deflated. Just as well, really. She wouldn’t have been able to leave with him.

“I got high instead, and I didn’t emerge from that haze for a long time.”

“Was it really bad? The drugs.”

He inhaled and let it out slowly before sitting back in the chair. She was caught between his spread legs like she’d been sitting there all her life. The comfort and rightness didn’t stop even though she was broaching a subject maybe they weren’t ready for.

But with all such bad things, it was better to tear off the bandage and deal with the wound underneath so it could heal.

She drew patterns on his knees, mesmerized in how he watched her fingers.

The act felt more intimate than it actually was.

She’d always loved touching Danny.

He used to react just like a cat would.

Now she didn’t have the right to touch him, and more so because of what and who he was, but her fingers had minds of their own. So did her optimistic heart.

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