Page 39 of Manhattan Heart

For so many selfish reasons, he can’t leave me.

Silence drops between us.

And we wait.

And I’ll deny it with my last breath, but it’s nice having him right next to me sharing in the worry.

“He won’t die, will he?” I ask in a small voice.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not,” is his vehement answer.

We wait so long that my butt goes numb.

There’s an hour to go and my panic is rising slowly.

I text and update Sena that all is fine with a promise to let her know when I know something new. She will tell Noah and he will inform Ronan, and Ash. I can’t face talking to all those people. Not until I know Gray is actually fine.

My nerve endings are fried and hanging on by a thread.

I’ve been through grief, losing Jacky. I still miss my little brother with all my heart. I’ve dealt with my mom’s manic depression, dad’s desertion and my own life downfalls and nothing … absolutely nothing compares to this crushing sadness that I feel, so apart from Grayson.

We’re one of those sickening couples who just genuinely love spending every moment together. We miss each other when we are out of the house working. We talk constantly. Text even more and it’s a giant reunion when we get home.

We’re truly nauseating.

When Sena behaved in the same way with Noah, I’d stick my finger down my throat at their overly displays of love, but secretly want the same kind of connection for myself.

I’m not being dramatic when I say Gray is my life.

He saved me in a lot of ways.

Just as I’m hearing he changed Cal’s life.

All number of people walk into your life and some you never know the reason why. The toxicity of most is apparent and if you’re smart, you cut out those tumors before they can drag you into the dirt.

A season and a reason.

They can’t stay around for long or you’re just not listening to the universe’s lesson it’s trying to give you.

And then there are those rare—beautiful moments when a person just walks onto your page and you feel all the air drop out of your lungs.

Your brain shorts out because it can’t cope with thisbeing.

This whole magnificent person who is just right and good that they bring a joy never felt before. Somehow they find the gaping hole inside you and just fit it perfectly, no more black emptiness.

Grayson is that person. He’s my soul puzzle piece.

He’s my smile giver and my orgasm maker and he pours love into my heart until I regurgitate happiness.

It’s sickening really how happy he makes me.

And I will fight the devil himself in five inch heels and knuckle dusters to keep him.

Obstacles don’t exist when it comes to my husband.

I was gifted this flawless man.

No one is taking him from me.

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