Page 54 of Manhattan Heart

“India, I’m fine. You go.”

I hear her sigh and then she comes to stand in front of me.

Concern etched across her features.

“I’m worried, Gray.”

“Don’t be.” I snap far too harshly and I watch how her eyes darken.

It’s my India’s cue that her patience has worn thin. It’s always threadbare to begin with but I know my surly attitude isn’t helping.

“The ring on your finger that I put there, by the way, says I get to take care of you too when you need it. I get to fuss over you for once. If you forgot, Gray, I’ll remind you that you had fucking surgery on your heart just a few weeks ago.Your heart. It’s not a sprained ankle or a cold. It’s the organ that keeps you alive so I can have my husband right here where I need him to be.”

I see every inch of India’s compassion, the way she’s tentatively taking care of me. I feel it in my chest and still it pisses me off for no good reason other than I hate this shit. I lift my head and see her hazel eyes soft, watching me.

“I don’t need an itinerary to keep me occupied like a child on summer break. I’m fine. You take the pups.”

It’s me who’s put the hurt in her voice. “I just thought you could do with some fresh air.”

It’s odd to know I’m so fucking out of order even as the need to snap rises in me. She hasn’t done anything wrong, it’s all on me feeling fucking sorry for myself. “India, stop.” I say quietly. “I don’t need looking after.”

This statement makes her head snap up.

She drops whatever is in her hand and it makes an almighty clatter on the marble countertop.

When her eyes narrow, I see the fury there, but I also see I’ve hurt her and I’m instantly regretful. I get to my feet; she doesn’t need me being around like a morose prick.

“I’m going to work for a bit in the office.”

“You’ll sit your ass down right now.” She issues.

I blink. “Excuse me?”

“I didn’t stutter, Gray. You’re irritatable, I get it. I would be too. You’re used to going a hundred miles a minute, doing everything yourself. I get that you’re frustrated and bored. I didn’t realize it would set in this quickly.”

An irrational growl develops its way up into my throat.

She has no idea how useless I feel and though I know… Ifeelhow wrong I am in thinking that if I’m not useful to her, then there’s nothing to keep her around. It still worries me in a place that I’d rather not face.

Because I recognize it’s born from a bad mood and not true feelings.

India and I have so much love to drown an oversized mammal.

It’s hard to contain let alone control. Our love is strong.

“Finished telling me how I feel, sweetheart?” Her eyes widen momentarily with surprise. And I experience the shock of it too, I never snap at her, or if I have, it’s because we’ve been in a genuine argument over something. “Good. Then I’ll be in my office for a while.”

I feel her eyes glaring at my back as I stride…hobble more like, away down the long hallway and into my home office where I collapse tiredly into the leather chair, the thing takes my weight and my exhaustion.

This healing is bullshit.

I didn’t have one symptom of my heart problem before and now I’ve had it fixed, I feel worse than ever.

Off in the distance, I hear India calling for the pups and then their scampering. Next I catch the porch door closing.

I’m a piece of shit for being short with her.

She avoids me for the rest of the afternoon.

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