Page 83 of Manhattan Tormentor

“He hasn’t been the same since. It’s like being around you brought him alive. And I never noticed it until now.”

I don’t know why he’s telling me this—or why now, but it’s making my insides tense as a coil. I need an escape.

I was a halfwit to ever want something with Finn. I’ve spent too long trying to forget him. I even took a guy’s number from my physics class, though I felt zero chemistry. He’s the opposite of Finn. Not a moody jock, easy to talk to, laughs a lot and hasn’t tormented me once. He should be the guy I go for, instead of wanting the one all wrong for me. But I still can’t bring myself to go out on a date.

“That sounds like ahimproblem, nothing to do with me,” I tell him, stepping around Bates.

“I never asked him,” Bates says. “About you two. But he’s different now. Even with Sofia and…”

Goddamn. How could I forget that detail? I’d written her out of my memories somehow. The girl he isengagedto. Yeah, it was all over social media a while ago, Bunny showed me.

Holy shit, am I dumb or what?

I laugh without humor as every part of me stings from the inside.

Bates looks jock kind of confused. I hear he’s playing baseball these days. Good for him, Neanderthals need to hold clubs.

“Look, it’s not what you think…” he starts and I stop him mid-sentence.

“This shit has nothing to do with me, man. High school is over, everything you and him did to me is in the past.”

If I was Lachlan, Bates would be on America’s Most Wanted list now. I’m not my brother and I don’t go in for revenge.

“I don’t give a fuck who’s gay, okay? I was a dickbag to you. If you and Mav…”

“Forgotten.” I can’t help adding, “not all queers are as forgiving as me, Bates. Some aren’t even pansy-asses as you think and would fuck you up so bad. So consider thinking twice the next time you go for the laugh, yeah?”

I leave him behind the way I left high school behind.

The ghost of Finn Maverick joins me at my side.

He never leaves me alone, even when I want him to.

It’s like being around you made him alive.

I don’t think about that at all.

Not much, anyway.

C H A P T E R 25

Finn

Get my shit together.

Win the guy.

The biggest part of hoping is holding onto something tohope for. All the hope inside me has been my driving force for months.

I didn’t think it would feel so difficult or have me a wreck with nerves.

Scared that he’ll reject me at the first try.

Insomnia has dogged me for more than half the year.

Night after night I lie in bed and have intense staring competitions with the ceiling. The ceiling always wins because I inevitably roll out of bed and sigh my way around the apartment.

Sometimes I go for a run in hopes my muscles become so fatigued I fall asleep. It happens rarely, but when it does, the five-mile hike until I want to puke, feels worth it.

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