Page 34 of Single Girl Rules: Auctioned

“My number for the weekend is also zero,” whispered Autumn.

“Whoa whoa whoa. Have any of you sucked any dicks thisweekend?”

“Yes, yes,” said Slavanka.

All the other girls shook their heads.

“Wow, okay,” I said. “You girls are lucky I’m here. I thinkthere’s still time to get this bachelorette party back on track, but we need tohurry.” I pulled a stack of Single Girl Rules membership cards out of my monokiniand handed them to the bride. “Pass these around.”

“What are they?” asked the bride.

“The most important thing you’re ever going to read. Inparticular, I’d like to bring your attention to Rules 10, 39, 40, and 41. Especiallyyou, Sloane.”

“What did I do?” asked Sloane.

“It’s more about what youdidn’tdo. Rule #39: Being amaid of honor is the most sacred duty in a woman’s life. And Rule #10: Allcelebrations of important life events must involve strippers.”

She stared at me.

“Did you hire strippers?” I asked.

“I did, actually. But Autumn made me cancel them.”

I turned to Autumn. “Are you trying to ruin the wedding?”

“Huh?” she asked.

“Rule #41: Any girl who doesn’t suck a cock at the bacheloretteparty is uninvited to the wedding. This includes the bride. No exceptions.”

She gave a nervous laugh. “But I’m married. And almost all ofthe other girls here have boyfriends.”

“Rule #40: At a bachelorette party, every girl is single again.”

“These can’t be real rules.”

God, she sounds exactly like Ash.

And then I realized something crazy.

Oh my God!“Ashniqua, Svetlana. Come with me.” I stoodup and waved them into the bathroom.

“Slavanka,” I said. “Are you a Russian princess?”

“No, no. Why you ask?”

“Because! Those girls are older versions of us. Chloe the blondebride. Autumn the timid ginger. And Sloane the raven-haired European princess. Theirnames even start with the same letters as ours!”

“Okay, there are a few similarities,” said Ash. “But thereare more differences. I mean…I’ve never even had a boyfriend. There’s no way I’mgonna be the first one of us to get married.”

“Not according to the universe.”

“And Slavanka just said she’s not a princess,” added Ash.

“Yet,” I corrected. “Not a princessyet.A lotcan happen in the next ten years.”

Ash didn’t look convinced. “So you think you’re gonna end upmarrying some lame dude who won’t let you show off your cleavage?”

I shuddered at the thought. “Chad does get pretty jealous. Andhe’s extremely lame. And possibly racist.”Is the bride’s fiancé racist? Ihate that for her.“And he may have already tried to propose once.” I heldup my tiny little two-carat ring. And then I realized exactly what washappening. “Wait! Girls! Single Girl Rule #19: Never wear the same dress as afriend, unless you’re attempting the sexy twins gambit.”

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