Page 14 of Single Girl Rules: HoHoHo

“Hire a hitman?” I asked. It was certainly an option…

“No,” said Rosalie. And then at the same time she and Ashboth yelled, “HOME ALONE!”

“You want to booby trap the resort?” I asked. “I actuallykind of love that idea.”

“Let’s do it!” Ash pulled some wrapping paper out and startedto roll it out with the white back showing, but there wasn’t enough space inour tiny dorm room. So I suggested we head back to the common room.

Ash brought the wrapping paper, Rosalie brought the sharpies,and I brought our lists for Santa.

We had almost gotten past the oversized presents when someonetore out and lunged for Ash.

Chapter 4 – Extra Thick to Break Kneecap Better

2 Days Before Christmas, 2013

“Ah!” screamed Ash at the sound of the giant present tearingopen.

“Congratulations on birth of Christ!” yelled Slavanka as shepushed the torn wrapping paper aside.

Ash screamed again and tried to knock Slavanka’s head offwith a roll of wrapping paper. Slavanka just stood there and took it right inthe face. And then she yanked the roll out of Ash’s hand and hit her in thehead too.

“You celebrate with Christmas beating too? I no realize.” Slavankalooked so happy as she handed the wrapping paper back to Ash. “You hit again? Harder,like I home in Russia.”

I was about to tell her that beating each other with wrappingpaper wasn’t an American Christmas tradition. But then I realized it was morefunnotto correct her.

“Merry Christmas, Slavanka!” I said and gave her a big hug. “Iwas wondering when you’d pop out.”

“Sorry, I fall sleep. Present very comfy. Remind me of childhoodwhen I bad and Papa put me in bear cage.”

“Like…with the bear?” asked Ash.

Slavanka waved her off. “Not important.”

“It feelsveryimportant. It’s the difference betweena slightly unorthodox punishment and child murder.”

“Speaking of murder,” I said. “Let’s get started on ourbattle plan.” I grabbed the wrapping paper and rolled it out on the table withthe white back showing.

“Who we fight?” asked Slavanka.

I explained the situation to her while I sketched a rough mapof the resort. I’d been there every Christmas since I was little, so I knew theplace inside and out.

“Okay,” said Ash as she looked over the map I’d drawn. “Thefirst thing jumping out at me are those ski lift cables.”

“Gotta cut them,” agreed Rosalie. “But not all the way. Justlike 75%. And then when Isabella gets on…” She made a popping noise and then mimeda ski lift dropping to the ground and exploding.

I looked back and forth between them.

“What?” asked Ash.

“Just surprised by the level of violence. I would haveexpected that more from Slavanka.”

“When I was young I was scared of getting murdered in mysleep,” said Ash. “So Rosalie and I did drills for how we’d take down anintruder.”

“Yup,” said Rosalie. “We came up with the perfect plan. I’dthrow glitter in their eyes while Ash ran them through with a curtain rod.”

Fascinating.“Got it.” I drew some wire cutters nextto the ski lift on the map. “What about you, Slavanka? Any ideas?”

“Landmine on ski slope.”

---