Page 16 of Single Girl Rules: HoHoHo

“Ash! You’re a genius!”

“So the troops will kill Isabella for us?”

“No. But you gave me an idea of how we could get theChadwicks and Locatellis to agree to an alliance.” I rolled out more of thewrapping paper and started sketching. “Let’s stage a competition to see who cansneakily deliver the most gifts to the troops on Christmas Eve. I’ll be on a teamwith Chad and the Banana King. And when we win, they’ll see how well we allwork together. Then they’ll want to join us in an alliance against Crazy Isabella.”

“Chad penis too small for sexy package delivery,” saidSlavanka.

“Good point. I’ll have the Chadwick’s underboss be on theteam instead.” I crossed Chad out and replaced him with their sexy underboss.

“Won’t they recognize eachother and refuse to participate?”asked Ash.

“Another good point,” I said. “But we can get around that by puttingthem in sexy elf masks.” I drew a little elf hat and mask on each of the figures.

Ash gave me a look. “Sexy elf masks? Is that a thing? I don’tthink of Christmas elves as sexy.”

“Well you need to watchStuffing Mrs. Claus, then,” Isaid, pointing to the DVD she’d gotten from her sister. “I’m sure Justin canwhip something up for us.” He was a master at making sexy women’s clothes andhe wasn’t even attracted to girls. I couldn’t wait to see what he’d do withsexy menswear.

“Do we have to wear the sexy elf masks too?”

Hmmm.The masks I’d drawn were sexy, but in a manlyway. “We’ll wear ski masks,” I said as I drew us on the wrapping paper. “But we’llhave the tops cut off so our hair can still show. It’ll be hot.”

“Perfect,” said Ash. “So you’ll have mobsters on your team. Whowill be on my team?”

“You sure you want to come? This could get pretty dangerous.”

“I can’t just let you walk into the lions’ den all alone. I’myour ride or die bitch.”

“Yeah you are!” I high fived her.

“I just have one condition.”

“Anything.”

“If I come, I want a ski suit that tears away super easily. Ifsome fucker tries to kidnap me again, I want my suit to tear right off like it’sa lizard’s tail being grabbed by a toddler.”

“You got it,” I said.

“Then I’m there. So who’s gonna be on my team?”

“Uh…” I snapped my fingers. “I’ll call some of my brothers atthe Gryphon Club. I’m sure they’ll be down. And they’ll be good muscle in caseit turns into a Christmas morning massacre.” I drew Flash, Adonis, and Master Hung,taking particular care to accurately portray their enormous cocks.

“I get big strong German man on my team,” said Slavanka. “Youknow old saying: German man do anything for Christmas present.”

Is that a saying?

“Speaking of Christmas presents,” said Rosalie. “Why don’tyou just give the other families nice Christmas presents? That always bringspeople together.”

“Shit! You’re brilliant. How did we not think of that sooner?”I tore off my drawings and tossed them into the trash next to the Home Aloneplans. “Okay… What do you give a mafia boss who has everything?”

“Dead horse head in bed,” said Slavanka.

“You’re not wrong. But that’s more of a threat than a peaceoffering.”

Ash nodded. “We could give them each a gingerbread house likethe one upstairs. That thing was freaking delicious.”

She was right. It was delicious. But something told me that amob boss wouldn’t take kindly to a cum-covered gingerbread house. “That seems alittle generic. Let’s try to find something in the middle.”

Ash and Rosalie started throwing out ideas rapid fire.

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