Page 33 of Single Girl Rules: HoHoHo

“The more the better,” said Ash. “He needs plenty of fuel tomake it all the way around the world in one night.”

“Yes, yes,” said Slavanka. “He eat ten dozen cookies. Then wetrap him in bathroom.”

“Slavanka makes a good point,” I said. “We don’t want to giveSanta the shits. And we only have a gallon of milk. So if we give him all thecookies, the milk to cookie ratio will be way off. I think we should keep it toa dozen at the very most.”

“Fine,” sighed Ash. “Help me pick out the best ones.”

That turned out to be a process that tookwaytoolong.

“Wait,” said Ash as we started carrying the plate over to thefireplace. She ran back to the kitchen and grabbed a cookie decorated like aChristmas tree. “I think this one is better than that wreath. Don’t you?”

“Just throw it on there too. Make it a sexy baker’s dozen.”

“Oh! Great idea.” She put it on the plate and then rearrangedthem all to make sure the shapes and colors were evenly distributed across theplate.

Usually I would have been annoyed by her OCD. But it wasactually pretty adorable how perfect she wanted to make everything for Santa.

“Do you think he got our letters?” she asked as we tucked herinto bed.

“Probably,” I said. “I guess we’ll find out in the morning.” Istarted to pull the curtains closed.

“Wait!” yelled Ash. “Keep them open. So I can watch for Santa’ssleigh.”

“Okay.” I tied the curtain back into place and started toleave. “Merry Christmas Eve, Ash.”

“Merry Christmas Eve. Ah!” she squealed. “I can’t believe Santawill be here any minute. How am I ever going to sleep?”

“You need horse tranquilizer?” offered Slavanka.

“No! Then I’d miss Santa!”

Slavanka shrugged.

“Goodnight, Ash,” I said and closed the door.

“Hold on!” called Ash.

I cracked the door open. “Yes?”

“We need a codeword. That we can text to each other if we seeSanta. How about: OH MY GOD I JUST SAW SANTA!”

“That’s more of a code phrase. And it’s way too long. By thetime you finished texting it he’d probably be long gone.”

“Good point.”

“How about Code9?” I suggested.

“Santa have nine inch cock?” asked Slavanka.

“I wish,” said Ash wistfully. “But no. Chastity was clearlyreferencing the fact that Santa has nine reindeer.”

“Whatever it takes for you to remember it.” It actually camefrom Single Girl Rule #9: If you hear about a well-hung man, share the news. Soin a way, Slavanka’s guess was closer. But I didn’t want to burst Ash’s happylittle Christmas bubble.

“So what’s our plan of attack for a Code9?” she asked.

“Run down to the great room?” I suggested.

“You and Ash go to great room,” said Slavanka. “I climb onroof.”

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