Page 86 of Single Girl Rules: HoHoHo

When he’d first torn the paper, all he’d revealed was myright breast. But now he was seeing the painting in all its glory.

“Do you not like it?” I asked.

“No I don’t like it! Why would I like a painting of yougiving thumbs up after taking cumshots from two huge cocks? And why did theartist make them black?”

Oooooh.He didn’t like it because he was a racist. I alwayshad my suspicions about him… “Don’t blame the artist,” I said. “They were just stayingtrue to the photo I sent them.”

“This was a photo?”

“Yup! From my banana party.” It was the photo that my girlshad dared me to send to Chad. I’d been waiting for just the perfect way topresent it to him. And what better way than to hire a world-class painter tomake a larger-than-life oil painting of it that I could give to him forChristmas?

He balled his fists.

“Babe, why are you so mad? We asked you to strip that night,but you refused. And then I told you about all the rules that would definitelylead to me blowing a stripper.”

“I thought you were joking!”

“I never joke about the Single Girl Rules.”

“She doesn’t,” agreed Ash. “She’s very serious about them.”She lifted a satin thong out of a box. Her eyes grew round and she threw itbehind her, hoping no one saw.

“Jesus,” muttered Chad. “Next thing I know you’re gonna tellme that my dream about you getting fucked by Santa wasn’t actually a dream.”

I felt like he was gonna be mad if I told him the truth. But also…Single Girl Rule #6: Always kiss and tell. “So about that…” I said. “It wasn’tactually a dream.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope! But you can’t be mad at me. Because everyone involved hadeight-inch cocks. So I was honor-bound to let them do whatever they wanted tome. And it’s not like we’re married. Or even engaged.” I held up my tiny2-carat promise ring.

“Yes we fucking are engaged!” he yelled. “But we aren’tanymore. Fuck this. I’m done.” He pulled a ring off his ring finger and threwit on the ground in the most dramatic way possible. It would have been a bossmove if he was a hot girl. Or if we were actually engaged. But neither of thosethings were true, so it just made me giggle. And why the hell was he wearing a promisering? I had not given him that.

“Bye, bye, bitch boy,” said Slavanka as he stormed out.

Daddy blew Chad a kiss on his way out.

I smiled to myself. I hadn’t been looking forward to dumpingChad. But thanks to me following Single Girl Rule #6, Chad had done it for me. TheSingle Girl Rules always worked in such mysterious ways. This was shaping up tobe the best Christmas ever! Especially because I still had TONS of presents toopen.

Usually I’d be concerned that opening them all would make uslate for the memorial service at the tower. But this Christmas, that didn’tseem like the worst thing that could happen. Because there was still a smallchance that Crazy Isabella would try to massacre us there.

In fact, it was probably best to be late on purpose.

I glanced up at the clock. It was already 8:30, so I just hadto make present opening last two hours. That felt do-able.

“Can I open the big one?” I asked, pointing to a box in thecorner roughly the size of a new car.

“That’s up to you,” said Daddy.

Yay!Wait, no. I was supposed to be dragging this out.“Actually, I think I’ll wait until the end to open that one.” Instead, I openeda shoe box and pulled out the sickest pair of Odegaard gladiator boots. “Ah! Thenew spring line!”

Daddy smiled at me. “Fresh off the runways of Paris.”

“Your turn,” I said to Slavanka. I’d noticed a present to herfrom Santa.

She looked mildly amused as she opened it.

“Are those nesting dolls?” I asked. They looked like nestingdolls, but instead of being all colorful with a woman’s face painted on them,they were deep brown and had a terrifying monster face.

“No, no,” said Slavanka. “Nesting doll dumb child toy. Thisbetter. Krampus doll vomit naughty child.” She opened the outer shell andpulled out the next layer.

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