Page 94 of Single Girl Rules: HoHoHo

My troops all looked to me for our next move.

“We win!” I yelled. That bitch wasn’t getting up from thatfall.

Everyone started cheering. A few people started dancing tothe Christmas tunes.

“Told you it would be fine,” I said to Ash. But Ash wasn’tthere. “Ash?” I asked, looking around.

Ghostie pointed to a giant blob near the coat check.

Ash tried to wave back, but the 30 or so snow suits and coatsthat she’d put on really restricted her movement.

“Did she think that would be bulletproof?” I asked.

Ghostie shrugged. “I’ll go help her out of those.”

That was probably a good idea. She’d toppled over and wasrolling across the lobby towards the big puddle of… What was it a puddle of? Watercould be slippery. But the way Chad had wiped out made it seem like thesubstance was completely frictionless. It was almost like a big puddle of lube.

Wait a second!

The cut cables.

The lube in the lobby.

Those were both straight out of ourHome Aloneplan. HadIsabella tripped on a dildo?

I got out my binoculars and zoomed in on Isabella’s guard whowas checking out the spot where she tripped. He bent down and pulled somethingout of the snow. Something big. And black. And very phallic. He called over tohis friends and waved the big floppy dildo around.

“Isabella break ankle on big black dildo,” said Slavanka witha huge grin. She finally relaxed and took the rocket launcher off her shoulder.

“Yeah she did!” I gave Slavanka a high five and turned to Teddybear.“Thank you,” I said.

“Don’t thank me. Thank whoever dropped that dildo on themountain.”

I laughed. “Don’t pretend like that wasn’t you. I know youfound myHome Aloneplans. And thank you so much for everything you didlast night. It was definitely a Christmas Eve I’ll never forget.” I winked athim.

“Huh?” He looked genuinely confused.

“The cut cables to make us late. The lube. The dildo. The Santasuit. I know it was you.”

“It really wasn’t. All I did last night was set up some strawdummies by the tower. But I slipped on the way back down the mountain. Luckily somelate-night snowboarder found me and called for a med-evac.”

Oh my God, Teddybear!I threw my arms around him. Hekissed the top of my head and I smiled.

“I was in the hospital the rest of the night getting checkedout for a concussion.” He held up his arm to show off his hospital wristband. Thetime of admission on it was listed as 12:17 am on December 25th.

I pulled back from our hug and stared up at him in disbelief.“How is that possible?” I asked. “At 12:17 last night, you were dressed likeSanta and fucking Ash on your throne.”

Teddybear shook his head. “I was definitely not doing that.”

What?It had to have been him.

“Wait, did you just say Santa fuckedAsh? As in… Ashthe virgin?”

“Not virgin anymore,” said Slavanka. “She fuck Santa.”

Teddybear looked shocked. “Wow.”

“It wasn’t really Santa. It was just someone dressed…”Wait.Who else could it have possibly been if it wasn’t Teddybear? Was it really Santa?“So you and Ghostie never saw our sexy delivery plans? Or ourHome Aloneplans?”

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