Page 101 of Loved

"James,” she said more firmly.

I looked down at my hand and then back at her. I didn’t want us to fight anymore. I’d done this for her. And yeah, maybe a little bit for me. But it was already done. "I wanted to fix it."

"Fix what?"

"He touched you. That asshole touched you."

"You didn't.” The disappointment on her face made my stomach twist with guilt. “James, you promised me that you wouldn't hurt him."

"I didn't promise you that I wouldn't hurt him. I told you exactly what I was going to do. I said I was going to punch him in the face. And that's what I did." The toilet paper and the poop and setting him on fire didn’t seem to be important to mention right now. At least none of us had slept with McCarty’s daughter.

"You said you were going to call Joe. This wasn't the way to fix it."

Joe wasn’t going to do anything. I had to take matters into my own hands. "He shouldn't have touched you."

"He's probably going to the dean right now. Or calling the cops on you."

"Trust me, he's not."

"What does that mean? Can he not move or something?"

James laughed. "No. I just made it very clear that I'd visit him again." And I was sure Rob’s threats to make McCarty’s daughter call him daddy had actually helped quite a bit in that department.

"You threatened him?" She was staring at me like I was a monster.

"You don't understand."I did it for you.

"Obviously. Because there was another way to handle this. So you're right, I don't understand why you got drunk and beat up another professor. Why would you do that?"

"Because I couldn't be there to protect you! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"Yes. Because you never let me protect you."

I ran my hand down my face. "That's different."

"It's not different. And I've never beat someone up because of it."

I forced myself not to laugh. I could not picture Penny hitting anyone. But she looked dead serious. I leaned against the sink. "I did what I needed to do. He's a freaking pervert. He deserved it."

"And that's how people see you. Because you won't defend yourself. And you won't let me try to protect you. I don't want people to see you like that. I want everyone to know how wonderful you are."

"But I'm not wonderful.” She knew my demons. She knew what kind of man I was before we met. She knew. “I'm used to people saying bad things about me. I can handle it."

"Youarewonderful." She put her hands on both sides of my face. "You're so wonderful. And smart, and funny, and sexy, and perfect.” She was staring at me like she truly believed what she was saying.

But I wasn’t perfect. Not even close. I was a fucking mess.

“Even when you get in fist fights you have good intentions,” she added.

"I didn't have good intentions. I wanted to kill him."

She shook her head. "You can't convince me that you're a bad person. I don't know why you keep trying to do that. I love you."

"I'm not going to apologize for what I did. I'm still mad." I looked down at my hand. I would have kept hitting him until I broke my fist. I was lucky Ian was there to pull me back.

"If you're mad about what's going on, then maybe you should do something else about it."

"What else can I do?"

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