Page 2 of Loved

I pushed away from my desk and walked into the hall. The only thing I could do was get some sleep before all hell broke loose in the morning. I went into my bedroom and stared down at Penny sleeping peacefully in my bed.

I’d wanted to talk to her about our future. I wanted it to be us to decide together what our next steps were.

But Isabella had stolen that from us.

I got ready for bed and climbed under the sheets next to Penny. I breathed in her cherry perfume and tried to sleep.

But I’d never been good at lying still.

I pushed the covers off of me and wandered back into my office. I’d really wanted to talk to Penny about this. I did want to. But we didn’t have that luxury now. I needed to get ahead of this situation.

I pulled out a piece of paper and started to write my resignation letter. My fresh start in Delaware was dead. But this was the last thing I’d let Isabella rob me of.

I shot an email to the dean scheduling a meeting for the morning. Even before the news story, my lawyer thought I’d be fired. There was no real choice here. And there was nothing Penny and I could discuss now either. There was no way to keep our relationship a secret until after the semester. I had to get control of this scandal in my own way. I slipped my resignation letter into an envelope. It was done.

But Penny and I would get through this. We had to. Because I knew what the alternative was. I knew what I was capable of and what I wasn’t. And I had to make this work. Because if I didn’t…

I sighed. I was tired. Just so fucking tired of ruining everything around me. If I lost Penny I wouldn’t be able to make it through that. I’d slip. And there’d be no point in coming up for air this time.

***

Even though I knew what Isabella had done, I still couldn’t shake away my thoughts about the weird invitation I’d gotten. I’d looked up the address and it was just a normal bar. Nothing odd about it. But I’d still texted Mason, asking how he was. I just needed to know that everything was fine so I could put my mind at ease.

Mason liked to party, but it was almost 3 a.m. on a weeknight. I’d have to wait until the morning to hear from him.

So instead I just stared at the Delaware Post website, waiting for it to refresh. My hands were buried in my hair as I stared down at my cell phone. The news would drop online any minute.Any fucking minute.

“James?”

I looked up. Penny was standing in the doorway of my office in one of my t-shirts. She was so beautiful. And I’d just ruined her life. I couldn’t help but think that. I was trying to be better for her. But trying was a lot different than actually being better.

The news wasn’t just ruining my fresh start. It was ruining her college experience. And she’d already told me once that I’d ruined her.

"Why didn't you come to bed?" she asked.

"I did.” I sighed. "I couldn't sleep."

She walked over to me. "We'll figure it out. Just like you said." She leaned against my desk.

I shook my head. "I was so busy thinking about my feelings for you that I didn't think about all the repercussions..."

"You did think everything through. We talked about that on our first date."

I shook my head again. Loving her had consequences. But I thought I was the one jeopardizing everything. I was selfish. This story was going to throw her in the lime light, and I knew she didn’t like being there. "I never thought that the dean would find out before I talked to him, though."

Her eyes grew round. "Has he?"

I’m so sorry, baby.But for some reason I couldn’t say it out loud. I wished that this wasn’t my fault. I wished we could just keep going the way we had been. I stood up and walked over to the window. I pulled the curtains to the side and looked down at the street.

Penny stepped up beside me and looked down at the shit show below.

There were three news trucks down there now. More would be arriving at dawn.

"Maybe it's for something else?" she said.

I shook my head. "No. The story is being printed in the Delaware Post in the morning.” And a million other places. “I've tried everything." I let go of the curtain and raked my fingers through my hair. "I fucked up, Penny. I should have thought about what Isabella would do if..."

She grabbed my arm to stop me from pulling my hair out. "James, you couldn't possibly know what Isabella would do."

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