Page 92 of Loved

Ian glanced at me for a second. “You want to put dynamite in the man’s pipes? Where do you two even think you’d be able to get dynamite?”

“The grocery store?” Rob asked.

Ian laughed.

“What’s funny?”

“Wow. When was the last time either of you went grocery shopping?”

I shrugged. “You know Ellen does that for me.”

“Rich people,” Ian said with a shake of his head. “You know what? If they have dynamite at the grocery store, I’ll let you get it. This will be very entertaining for me.”

“Score!” Rob lifted his hand for me.

I high-fived him and pulled up the directions to the closest grocery store that was still open. We pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later.

“Okay, so what do we need?” Rob asked. “Definitely a whole cart of laundry detergent. And toilet paper for Ian’s lame plan.” He grabbed a cart and climbed into it.

“Why are you getting into the cart?” Ian said. “You’re not a baby.”

“I want to rest my legs in case we have to run from the cops later.”

Ian shook his head as I started pushing Rob into the grocery store. Tonight felt like I was in college again. And I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I was still really upset about that pervy professor. But that didn’t mean this couldn’t be fun.

“Kind sir,” Rob said and leaned out the side of the cart, almost knocking it over. “Where do you keep the dynamite?”

The guy just gave us a weird look and kept walking.

“He doesn’t work here,” Ian said.

“How do you know? He looks like a grocery store person to me.”

“What does that even mean?”

“He had a vest on.”

“Not with the store logo. It was just a normal vest.”

Rob shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m not a vest man myself. Hey you!” he yelled at someone else that wasn’t an employee. “Do you have any firecrackers?”

Ian stepped in front of the cart. “Before you harass anyone else, I’m just going to cut to the chase. They don’t sell dynamite or firecrackers in grocery stores. And I’m shocked that neither of you knew that. Just because you’re rich doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know that grocery stores are forgroceries. Think smaller, Rob.”

“I have it!” Rob stood up in the cart. “Flaming poo.”

I laughed.

Ian groaned.

“We have to,” I said. “McCarty is a piece of shit.”

“Yeah he is!” Rob yelled. “To the lighter aisle!”

I started running, pushing the cart and Rob toward a random aisle. Because I’d never been in this fucking store before. Which reminded me… “Rob,” I said and took a sharp left turn, almost making him fly out and hit a shelf. “I have to take you to the dollar store.”

“What is a dollar store?”

“A store where everything costs a dollar. It’s crazy.” We turned down another aisle.

---