Page 94 of Loved

Ian pretended to vomit and rolled down the windows.

“Luckily we bought all that toilet paper. Smart move, Ian.” He grabbed a roll out of the packaging.

“Mhm,” Ian said and stuck his head out the window.

“Should have bought wet wipes though. It’s a little messy back here.”

“I swear to God if you get it on my seats you have to pay for it to be detailed.”

“Yeah, whatever, James will pay for it. But I’m done and I don’t think it splooged out of the bag or anything. But the bag is a straight mess. The perfect consistency to really squish under a bare foot.”

Ian gagged.

“McCarty is going to be smelling like my shit for days. High-five!” He put his hand through the seats.

“Nope,” I said. I didn’t want shit on my hand. “But thank you for doing it.”

“Any time, man.” He burped. “We might end up with two bags…”

“No, everyone out of the car,” Ian said.

We all climbed out and grabbed as many rolls of toilet paper and laundry detergent as we could carry.

“I still don’t think we should break into his house,” Ian said.

“We gotta stick to the plan.” Rob dropped everything in his hands onto the front lawn and tiptoed up to the window. He peered inside. “Oh. My. God. Jackpot.”

“What?” I asked and walked over to the window too.

“He has a daughter.” He pointed inside.

It was pretty dark inside, but the room had some spotlighting over a framed family portrait. It looked like McCarty had a daughter about Penny’s age. And that just made what he’d done a thousand times worse.

“She’s pretty,” Ian said.

Rob shrugged. “Eh. She’s okay.”

I stared back at Rob. The blonde in the picture was exactly Rob’s type. Normally he’d be all over that. “She is pretty,” I agreed.

“Eh,” he said again. “She has nothing on that girl at the bar back there.”

“The one reading?”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “She was so fucking gorgeous. And smart too. This McCarty girl looks dumb. There aren’t even any bookshelves in this room. Shame on that professor for raising an uneducated girl.”

Um. Okay then.“So where do we start? The toilet paper or…”

“No,” Rob said. “New twist. One of us has to step up and sleep with his daughter for revenge.”

Ian laughed. “Have fun with that.”

“Not me,” Rob said. “I’m not attracted to her. It has to be one of you.”

I held up my hands. “I’m with Penny.”

“Great. Ian will do it. Fuck her real good and take a picture. We’ll mail it to him later.”

Ian laughed again. “No fucking way. You do it.”

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