Page 97 of Loved

Rob burped really loudly.

“Do you need a trash can?” I asked. Not that I knew where one was in here.

“No.” He shook his head. “I told you…tacos go rightthroughme. Not out this end.” He pointed to his mouth.

“Well the bathroom is right…”

“Penny showed me.” He burped again and lay back. “I really like her.”

Me too.I smiled. No, I didn’t just like her. I loved that girl. “Just let me know if you need anything else,” I said.

He yawned and closed his eyes. “I really missed you,” he said. “I didn’t like being cut out like that.”

I swallowed hard. “I know, Rob.” When I’d moved, I’d been so desperate for a fresh start that I iced out everyone. But I’d missed him and my other friends. I’d made a lot of mistakes in the past year, but losing touch with them was what I regretted most. Dr. Clark had even told me I shouldn’t distance myself from everyone. But I’d just felt so…sick. Sick of myself. Sick in the head. Sick of living.

Rob started snoring.

“I’m sorry,” I said, even though I knew he wasn’t listening. “I’m just so fucking sorry about everything.” Rob always had my back. And I should have had his. I’d abandoned all my friends and I was a prick.

I tried to turn the lights off and missed the switch.I’m so plastered.I tried again and successfully turned off the lights.Take that, dumb lights.I stumbled out into the hallway and closed the door quietly.Sorry, Rob. About everything.

It was like all I knew how to do was fuck everything up. Even tonight. Penny had specifically told menotto go see McCarty. And I’d done the exact opposite. I was a selfish asshole. All I ever did was hurt people. Dr. Clark had given me one task – to start talking things through as a team. And I couldn’t even do that.

I opened the bedroom door. I just wanted to go to bed. I wanted Penny in my arms even though I’d never deserve her. I pulled off my shirt and stumbled a little to the side and started laughing. "Shit," I mumbled as I almost fell over. I tossed my shirt into the middle of the floor.

"Are you okay?" Penny asked.

I turned to see her climbing out of bed. A bit of moonlight was shining through the curtains and she waspractically glowing. Yeah, I’d never fucking deserve her. But I wanted to. I so badly wanted to be better.

"Hey, baby." I smiled.

"Do you want some help?"

"God you're beautiful." I put my hand on the side of her face. "I missed you tonight."

"I missed you." She smiled up at me.

"You're really, really beautiful, Penny." All she was wearing was one of my old t-shirts and she looked like a goddess. I was scared to blink because I was worried she’d just disappear. Poof. Gone. Like anything good I was ever given.

"You've already said that."

Had I?God, I really was drunk. I laughed and then looked past her at the bed. "Oh, shit, did I wake you up? I thought I was being really quiet."

Penny laughed. "You weren't being quiet at all.” She reached down and unhinged my belt for me and slowly pulled it out of my belt loops. “I heard you guys laughing. You scared me. I thought someone had broken in or something."

I couldn’t help but laugh again. No one was ever breaking into this apartment again. It wasn’t possible. "No. No, no, it's just me. It's just me, baby." My eyes dropped to her lips. "I'm glad you're awake, though."

She unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans for me. "You're drunk. You should probably get some sleep."

"I don't want to sleep. I missed you. I want you. I've been waiting to have you all day." All I wanted to do was touch her. Instead, I ran my fingers through my hair because I knew how much she liked it.

Her eyes followed the path of my hand. "It's the middle of the night,” she said.

But I had her right where I wanted her. It was all over her face. I had all this guilt wrapped around my chest. And I just wanted to feel in control again.

"You told my brother that I like to spank you,” I said. “But you didn't tell him how much you like it. How wet you get just thinking about it. You like getting punished. And if I recall, you were very, very bad today."

She grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and slowly peeled it off.

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