Page 101 of Forever

“I don’t know if it’ll all fit.” We needed less stuff, not more. “We don’t even have a room for the baby right now.” I opened a box too and rummaged around through it. There were some clothes, but nothing small enough that I could incorporate into my wedding.

Matt didn’t respond.

“I still want you to be able to paint.” I appreciated that he wanted to transform his studio into the nursery. But painting relieved his stress.

He still didn’t respond.

I rummaged around in the box some more. There was a small velvety jewelry box. I lifted the lid and stared down at the bracelet inside. It was beautiful. It would definitely work as something borrowed. But if it was here…it meant my father had probably given it to her. She’d left it behind for a reason. Did it really count as borrowing something if my mom hadn’t even wanted it anymore? I snapped the lid closed. “Matt, I think I might just wear my Keds on our wedding day.” They’d make me feel close to her. And they were old.

He still didn’t respond.

I turned around. He had a stack of envelopes in his hand. He was frowning as he stared at them. He reached into the box and pushed some things around, the frown on his face deepening.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Isn’t this the address to your uncle’s apartment?”

I closed the distance between us and looked at the envelope on top. “Yeah.” The envelope was addressed to my mom though. And the return address was this apartment, but there was no name.

Matt fanned out the envelopes. They were all addressed to my mom. “None of them are opened.”

I looked down at the box. There were more unopened letters in there. Dozens of them. I picked one up. They’d all been mailed, but “return to sender” was stamped on all of them. “What are all these?” Had my mom mailed herself a bunch of letters for some reason? I squinted at the date on the one in my hand. It was from several months before I was born.

Matt started to open one of them.

“Wait.” I grabbed his hand. This felt like an invasion of privacy. Which I knew was silly, since we were here to go through her things.

“Don’t you want to know what these are?” he asked.

I thought about the letter Miller had left me. It had helped. Maybe these letters would help, even though they didn’t seem like there were for me. But…what if they were for me? Somehow? Someway? Like she knew one day I’d find these when I needed them most. I nodded.

He pulled out the paper and unfolded it. We both read it silently.

My love,

I didn’t mean what I said. Of course I didn’t mean it. Just come home. We’ll figure something out. Us against the world, remember?

-R.P.

“R.P.,” Matt said. “That must stand for Richard Pruitt. Are these all letters your dad sent your mom?” He stared back down at the letters filling the box to the brim.

My heart started racing. I grabbed another envelope and tore it open.

My love,

Please forgive me. Can we just talk? I miss you. I need you.

Yours always,

-R.P.

“Brooklyn…” Matt said. But I grabbed another envelope and tore it open.

My love,

Your brother made it very clear that if I come to the apartment again he’ll call the cops. But I just need to talk to you. I know what I asked you to do was wrong. I know that. And I’m asking you to forgive me. I didn’t mean it. We can leave the city. We’ll start a new life. I just need you to write me back, baby. Tell me yes. Tell me we can start over.

Love always,

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