Page 102 of Forever

-R.P.

“She never opened these,” I said. “They were all returned here. But she was living with my uncle after she broke up with my dad.” I pictured being sick back in high school. My uncle had told me my mother had terrible morning sickness right there in that bathroom. She’d moved in with him after my dad told her to have an abortion. But my dad kept saying he was sorry in these letters. Was he sorry for asking my mom to get rid of me? Is that what he was saying?

“And the thing he’s asking forgiveness for?” Matt asked.

My heart felt funny in my chest. “I think he’s saying sorry for asking her to get rid of me.”

Matt lowered his eyebrows and stared back at the letter in my hand. “He said he was willing to leave the city. He wanted the three of you to be a family, Brooklyn.”

Us against the world.That’s what he’s said in one of the letters. My mom used to say that to me. How many of her other phrases came from her time with him too?

She’d always loved him. Why had she refused to read the letters? Why had she sent them back?

I pressed my lips together. I knew why. Because she chose me. She was strong and brave and she knew what she wanted.Me.I ignored the tears welling in the cornersof my eyes and grabbed another letter. And another. And another. So many letters, confessing his love. Begging for a fresh start. Talking about when they first met. The love they shared. Tears started streaming down my cheeks as I grabbed another letter.

My love,

Us against the world. The three of us.

Please let me see you. I’m begging you.

-R.P.

Thethreeof us. I wiped my tears away so none would fall on the words. The letter was dated from a few months before I was born. He was definitely talking about me. There was no doubt in my mind. He’d regretted what he asked my mom to do. He really had wanted to be a family. He had hope that she hadn’t gotten rid of me. He’d been willing to risk everything and run away with her. And she’d never known.

“Matt,” my voice cracked. “My father was trying to apologize. He was trying to take back what he said. Hedidwant me.”

I wasn’t a mistake.

I wasn’t an inconvenience.

He’d wanted to be a part of my life.

“Why didn’t he tell me that?” I asked. “He let me believe him asking her for an abortion was the end of the story. But it wasn’t the end. He tried to fight for her. He tried to fight for me.”

Matt pulled me into a hug. “I don’t know,” he said.

I rested the side of my face against his chest as I stared down at the box. Matt rubbed his hand up and down my back as I tried to make sense of what these letters meant. But there was only one conclusion I could come to: Myfather wanted me to think he was a monster. Because he felt like one. He’d asked my mom to do something and he regretted it. And for 16 years, he thought my mom had gone through with it. He’d regretted all of it.

I’d already forgiven my father. But these letters? They changed everything. They gave me hope for a future with him in it. He’d wanted me. He’d actually wanted me.

And it wasn’t some manipulative gesture. There was no way my father knew I’d come here. This wasn’t some game where he was using me as a pawn. And that’s what made this real. My father had never meant for me to see these letters. He kept them because he loved my mom. And he regretted not having a life with me in it.

I pulled back and looked up at Matt. “I need to talk to him.”

Matt nodded.

“I can’t believe he tried to win her back.” I hit my father’s name on my phone and pulled it to my ear. I didn’t know what I was going to say. But it didn’t matter, because my call went straight to voicemail.

“How about we just go see him?” Matt asked.

“Is that really okay? He’s put us through so much. I…” my voice trailed off.

Matt shrugged. “He’s your dad, Brooklyn. I get it. If you want to talk to him, I understand. If you want him in our lives, I understand. This is your choice.”

“Thank you.” I heard the sound of a clock ticking down in my head.No.There was actually an old clock sitting in the corner of the room. I wasn’t out of time. I tried to push the sound out of my head as I looked back up at Matt. “Can you grab that box?” I wanted to read the rest of those letters.

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