Page 66 of Forever

“Oh, no,” Tanner said, completely horrified. “Matt, were you not able to perform?”

“Jesus,” Matt said. “No. Stop talking about threesomes.” He turned to me. “You said you wanted to dance?”

I laughed. “Actually, can we just get out of here? I want to go have that conversation with Jacob.”

He smiled. “Absolutely. Later, Tanner.”

“Comfortandspeed, my boy.” Tanner slapped Matt on the back and then walked back toward the party.

“Ignore him,” Matt said.

“It’s a little hard to ignore Tanner. In a good way.”

Matt laughed.

I smiled. “Matt?”

“Yeah?” We started walking down the hallway.

“Thank you for having my back.”

“Always.” He kissed the side of my forehead.

***

If I was being completely honest with myself, I had been delaying this conversation with my son. Because this was hard to explain. And I had this horrible feeling that I wouldn’t be able to make him understand.

“Let’s go get ready for bed,” I said when we walked into our house.

“Never!” Jacob yelled and ran into the living room. He sat down and started zooming his trucks across the floor.

“Someone has had way too much candy tonight,” Matt said.

I laughed. “Apparently so.” I stared at Jacob playing.

“I’m really not trying to pressure you into anything you don’t want to do. I was just trying to talk.” He gave me a sad smile.

I knew he wasn’t pressuring me. But I was done standing still. I was done wasting time. I’d already wasted so much of his. Hurting him was the only thing I regretted. I wasn’t going to hurt him anymore. “Come with me.” I grabbed his hand and led him over to the couch. We sat down. “Jacob?”

“Yessie?” He didn’t look up from his trucks.

“Matt and I need to talk to you. Can you come sit with us for a minute?”

He ran over to the couch and jumped on top of me.

Ooph.He was definitely hyper. This conversation would have been better outside under the stars. Or in his bed with the fake stars on his ceiling. I looked up at one of the pictures of Miller up on the mantel. It was okay. He was here. And he’d always be here.

I blinked fast so I wouldn’t start crying. “Jacob, you know how much I love your dad.”

He nodded.

“And I will always love your dad.”

He frowned and looked at Matt.

That wasn’t a good start.

I stared at Jacob. He looked so much like Miller. And I knew how much Miller would have loved Jacob’s football costume. Down to the cute little black lines under his eyes. I would always keep the memory of Miller alive for us. “Your father isn’t replaceable.”

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