Page 67 of Forever

“I know,” Jacob said. “My daddy is my daddy.”

Yeah. None of this was coming out right. “But I also love Matt.”

Jacob looked at Matt again.

“And I know you love Matt too,” I said. “So I really want him to be part of our family.”

“Like an abuelo? Or…like a brother? Scarlett has a little brother.”

“No, not like either of those things.” I pressed my lips together. “Matt proposed to me. And I said yes.”

Jacob just stared at me.

I knew he didn’t know what any of that meant. What was I doing? But I couldn’t think of what to say.

Matt reached out and grabbed my hand.

Jacob stared at our intertwined hands and frowned again.

“I’m hoping to marry your mother,” Matt said. “One day. When we’re all ready.”

I slowly exhaled. He’d worded it much better. I squeezed his hand.

Jacob shook his head and looked up at me. “But you’re already married to my daddy.”

His present tense killed me. “I will always love your father. And he’s always with us. Right here.” I put my hand on the center of his chest.

Jacob looked down at his lap. “I don’t need another daddy. I just want mine back.”

God.“Sweet boy, Matt isn’t replacing your father. Okay? He could never do that. And if I could bring your father back, I would. I’d give anything to have him back.” I wasn’t sure if my words were hurting Matt. But we’d talked about this. He knew I’d always love Miller too. And I didn’t know how else to explain this. It felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

“I’m sorry about your father,” Matt said. “I know how wonderful he was to you guys.”

I squeezed his hand again as I tried to hold back my tears.

“I’m just hoping to be part of your family. And I’m hoping you want that too. I love you and your mom so much.”

I blinked faster. Matt was much better at this than me.

“I don’t want to call you dad,” Jacob said.

“I’m not asking you to, kiddo. You can call me whatever you want. Just like before.”

“Okay, Coach.”

Matt smiled.

“Can you play trucks with me?” asked Jacob.

“I can definitely do that.” Matt picked Jacob up off my lap and set him back down on the floor. “You okay?” he said to me.

I quickly nodded. “I just need a minute.” I hurried out the back door before either of them could see me cry.

I wrapped my arms around myself and stared up at the sky. “I don’t want to hurt anymore, Miller.”

I swear the brightest star in the sky twinkled.

I finally let the tears stream down my cheeks. “It’s okay, right? This was what you wanted?”

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