Page 90 of Forever

“It’s fine,” Rob said with a laugh.

“But where is it?”

“Well. Funny story…” his voice trailed off as he stared at the TV.

The movie had ended and the news had turned on. A red banner was scrolling along the bottom of the screen that said: “Monkey terrorizing downtown Manhattan.” And there was footage of a monkey running down a sidewalk throwing trash at people and grabbing their butts.

What the fuck?

A reporter on the sidewalk started talking. “As you can see, the monkey is groping…”

“Nothing to see there,” Rob said as he grabbed the remote and switched off the TV.

“Was that your monkey?” I asked.

“I mean…I don’t know if there’s any way to tell. That could be anyone’s monkey.”

“Well, did you lose your monkey?”

“Did I lose my monkey?” Rob laughed. “Um. Yes. Yes, I did do that.”

Brooklyn burst out laughing. “You guys are ridiculous. Shouldn’t you go catch that monkey or something?”

“We should let the professionals handle that,” Rob said. “That monkey is way too handsy. Or…my monkey was way too handsy. I don’t know if that was my monkey on the TV.”

“It was groping people,” James said with a laugh. “That’s definitely your handsy little monkey.”

“Well don’t look at me. It’s not like I taught him to grab ass. He was born that way.”

Tanner cleared his throat. “As you can see, I took the best care of my monkey. Look at this. Blow a kiss.”

The monkey blew me a kiss.

How the hell did he teach him to do that?

“Well, my monkey is asleep,” Nigel said. “He’s very docile. Look.” He held up his sleeping monkey. “I’m clearly the best at caring for the animals. Like I’m the best at caring for peoples.”

His monkey was definitely knocked out. And I was a little suspicious that he’d drugged it. Like he’d drugged me that one time when I was “hysterical.”

“Tanner wins,” I said.

“Yes!” Tanner put his fist in the air and his monkey did the same. “I believe that means I’m the best man. I won the most tasks. Matt, I will not let you down.” He rubbed his hands together. “I’ve got everything covered. This is going to be the best day of your life.”

“You absolutely did not win,” Rob said. “And Matt definitely doesn’t want you beside him in all those wedding pictures. He wants hisbestfriend. Me.”

“Wait, there’s…pictures?” Tanner asked.

“Yeah, man,” I said. I was confused about why he seemed surprised about this. He’d been to weddings before.

“Oh.” He laughed. “Like pictures you’re keeping very private? And not on display? And that you’ll burn upon your death?”

“Um…no,” I said. “We’ll get some printed out for the house. We’ll print out some for you too. And everyone in the wedding party. And my parents of course…”

“No,” Tanner said.

“No you don’t want pictures?”

“No, I don’t want you to take pictures.”

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