Page 5 of Any Which Way

Christ, now I’ve gone and made the poor woman think I’m dying or some shit.

“Fuck, shit, yeah. Everything’s good. I’m good. It’s about…” I meet Brynn’s eyes as I rub the back of my neck with my free hand, knowing it’s now or never. “It’s about the pictures.”

Her eyes go wide, an innocent look I’m used to seeing feigned in the heat of particularly bratty play. But now, the innocence wars with an inquisitiveness I know is sincere.

I’ll give her credit. Brynn isn’t one to hold her tongue. But she waits, giving me the time I need to compose myself before I launch into the carefully practiced monologue I may or may not have performed in front of the bathroom mirror earlier today.

Which of course, I forget every word of the second I open my mouth, blurting out the first thing that comes to mind instead. “I used to sell my services as a submissive to wealthy women seeking companionship as a way to put myself through college.”

Jesus Christ, Kai. You have two gorgeous women you love, a net worth of three million dollars, a double master’s degree,andcountless other fulfilling things in your life. Why is a little bit of vulnerability driving you to the brink of insanity?

“Okay…”she responds slowly. “You know that’s nothing to be ashamed of, right? For about six months, I sold my panties to people on the internet. Sex work is real work. I’m surprised you, of all people, have an issue with it.”

“No, I mean—wait… What? We’re totally coming back to that at some point.” I try to comprehend everything she just said while maintaining focus on the conversation at hand. “That’s not what I mean. Just… sit down with me.”

We settle onto my bed, smaller than the king mattress in Brynn and Eleri’s bedroom. I could have easily fit a king aswell, but I wanted to keep my space cozy and low maintenance, sometimes needing a calm place to retreat after particularly stressful days full of meetings.

Brynn positions herself on her side, eagerly waiting for me to begin while I lean my head against the headboard and close my eyes. Her fingers find my forearm, and the gentle circles she draws against my skin relax me enough to finally tell Brynn about the one part of myself I’ve kept from her until now.

“Three semesters before I was supposed to graduate with my bachelors, I lost all the scholarships I had been awarded. It was my own fault. I had been in a car with a friend who had been drinking, and we got pulled over. Hindsight, I’m forever grateful nothing worse happened. Hell, I might not have been the one behind the wheel, but I would have still been just as responsible had something serious occurred, and that alone was enough to sober me up for good. I couldn’t live knowing I took someone’s life because I was some stupid, reckless kid. Anyway, I had been at Ellison State on a full-ride athletic scholarship, and everything was gone.”

Chancing a look at Brynn, I find she’s watching me with rapt attention. There is no judgement in her eyes. Honestly, I don’t know that Brynn could truly judge someone poorly if she was forced to. It’s simply not in her makeup. I keep going before I lose my nerve—something that rarely happens when I’m feeling fully in control. Right now, though, I’m anything but.

“I was such a shithead my entire life. Gave my parents so much hell. You and Eleri always joke about sending my sisters gift baskets. But I can’t give them all the credit.”

“What does this have to do with the pictures?”

Her impatience brings out an honest grin. “You’re a little shit. I was getting there.”

Brynn giggles, the dimples on either side of her smile popping. “Sorry.”

“Anyway, as I was saying, I knew plenty of girls who had gone to websites looking for arrangements of companionship in exchange for money. I figured, what the hell. If women did it, why couldn’t I? If there was one thing I refused to do, it was to let down my parents again. I couldn’t let them see me as a failure my entire life. The scholarships I had were the only thing I had going for me. My sisters were always hitting home runs while I was barely able to make it to first base.

“It didn’t start as something sexual. I did things like accompany women to charity galas, pose as dates for weekend long company retreats—that sort of thing. It paid well, and I was able to cover my college expenses without my parents finding out that I had lost my scholarships. But as expensive as my undergrad was, my graduate wasn’t any cheaper.”

“You kept doing it?” Brynn asks. “The whole companionship thing?”

Again, it’s asked without judgement, as if she’s not exactly sure how to word her question. And that’s perfectly fine with me. I’m happy she’s open to even hearing this story at all.

“I met a woman who asked me if I would be interested in a different type of relationship. It was the first time I heard the termpower exchange. Of course, I had known of BDSM, mainly what I had seen in movies and television, but she wanted something completely different than what I knew. She wanted to pay me for my companionship, but she expected me to wear certain things, to present myself to her in specific ways.

“Not necessarily high protocol but the closest I’ve ever come. Day after day, I would go to class and devote myself to becoming the best I could be before falling into her arms each night. She quieted my mind with skillful hands and reassuring words in a way I have never known. I grew accustomed to the feel of lace on my body. What started as something foreign began to feel like a second skin, and when she asked if she could take photographsof me in the outfits she painstakingly picked out, I didn’t hesitate to say yes.”

The way Brynn’s focus is on me, one would think she’s watching a riveting documentary on the lesser known bizarre sea creatures of the deep. Although, come to think of it, she usually passes out about halfway through those things, claiming the British narrator’s voice is the only thing that helps her fall asleep.

I hold the pictures out to Brynn.

She hesitates.

I give her a gentle nod of reassurance.

Brynn pushes herself into a seated position atop the bed before taking them with the care of an inexperienced glassblower working on their first masterpiece.

And then, as she thumbs through the pictures, I do the only thing there is to do.

I wait.

Watching Kai as he demo-tops at our local kink club has been one of my favorite activities since the moment I first met him.

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