Page 15 of Starting Anew

Lynn glanced at the crowd of churchgoers around them. Granted, they were all busy picking kids up from their classes or heading out to whatever they planned for the rest of their Sunday. They likely didn’t have time to listen to whatever Lynn might tell her friend. Still…

She hooked Sharon’s arm with her own and led her outside where they had more privacy. By the time they got there, Sharon was laughing. “You are such a mess. Maybe I was referring to the part of the church service when I had to step out to go to the bathroom.”

“You don’t really expect me to believe that, do you?” Lynn scanned the area around the church, confident that no one had noticed their presence. “Isn’t your husband going to come looking for you?”

“He volunteered to help clean up today. We’ve got at least half an hour to visit.” Sharon gave her a look that proved just how proud she was of herself. “Come on, my curiosity is killing me. What was Nathan like? How was breakfast? Did you go to one of his classes?”

Sharon’s honest interest meant Lynn couldn’t stay annoyed with her friend for long.

“He was a perfect gentleman. He bought my breakfast and opened up about his family.” Regret collided with guilt as she thought about how kind he’d been. “And here I haven’t even told him who I really am. What does that say about me?”

“It says things are complicated.” Sharon’s eyes softened as she looked at Lynn. “Nathan’s a single dad with a little girl. It sounds like his past is pretty complicated, too. I’m betting he’d understand if you told him everything.”

“Maybe. Probably.” Lynn had gone through the whole scenario in her head more times than she could count. “But if he doesn’t, then either he won’t have someone to watch Mia at the wedding, or it’s going to be really awkward between us. Waiting until afterward to tell him about everything makes the most sense.”

Lynn couldn’t tell whether Sharon agreed with her or not. Sharon was always one to express an opinion when she needed to, but she was also good about staying quiet and letting Lynn think through things on her own. Something Lynn always appreciated.

And she’d had a lot to think about since she last spoke with Nathan.

“Sounds like things were a mess for him growing up. Yet, here he is with a great family and a sweet daughter.” She’d already shared some about the dinner with him and his family and how put together they seemed. Lynn shrugged. “I guess I’m a little in awe of how he went through all that and didn’t let it completely mess up his life.”

“Insinuating that you did?” Sharon was already shaking her head. “You know that’s not true.”

“Iknowit’s not true, but I don’t usuallyfeelthat way.” The church crowd was beginning to thin a little, so Lynn led the way to a small bench underneath one of the large oak trees. The women sat down. “It sounds like Nathan looked high and low for his brother, never truly giving up on the search even years later.” Tears pricked at the back of Lynn’s eyelids, and she tried to blink them away. She swallowed hard against a lump forming in her throat. “I know my parents gave up on me years ago. But by no longer trying, it’s as though I’ve given up on Perry.” She pictured her little sister and that was enough to send a tear cascading down her cheek. “What kind of person does that make me? What does she think of me?”

Sharon laid her Bible down on the bench beside her. “First of all, from everything you’ve told me, it sounds like Perry has way too many great memories of the two of you together to allow distance to wash them away.”

Lynn nodded, hoping her friend was right. She and Perry had such a fun time growing up together, and had a special bond that even her parents didn’t have with Perry. Lynn hoped her sister held onto those wonderful childhood memories as much as she did.

“And secondly,” Sharon nudged Lynn’s arm with her own, “just because you stayed away like your father demanded doesn’t mean that will always be the case. Maybe things have changed.”

Lynn seriously doubted it. But maybe Sharon was right. Maybe staying away wasn’t the answer anymore. She sniffled. When Sharon handed her a tissue, she discreetly blew her nose. “Do you think I should try to see Perry?” Was it possible for her to reconnect with her family? If Nathan and Chess could form a new relationship after being separated for years, and if Chess, Brooke, and Joel could form a family of their own when they had none before, surely her own biological family had a chance.

“I wish I had an answer for you, Lynn. I don’t think anything about your family situation is simple. But if you pray about it and give it some time, you’ll feel led one way or another.”

“Yeah.” She’d wished so often throughout her life that God would’ve given her a road map. She could’ve avoided so many potholes. But then, if things hadn’t happened the way they had, she wouldn’t know Sharon now. Or Nathan and Mia. “Why does life have to be so complicated sometimes?”

“I sure wish I knew.” Sharon put an arm around Lynn’s shoulders. “Can I pray for you?”

Lynn nodded. As Sharon began to pray, asking for guidance not only with regards to Perry, but Nathan as well, Lynn allowed the tears to fall.

Even if God didn’t hand out road maps, at least He’d never failed to travel life’s paths with her. Things would work themselves out—they had to.

~*~

What made Lynn think this was a good idea? She mentally grasped for the peace she’d felt after Sharon prayed for her yesterday.

But now it was Monday, and the further the day progressed, the more nervous she was about her decision to drive to her parents’ house. She’d nearly backed out. After all, no one but Sharon even knew she was going to go. But Lynn knew that the moment she let the opportunity pass her by, she’d regret it.

Monday evening probably wasn’t the best time to drive the hour and a half each way. But once her decision was made, she knew that prolonging the implementation of her plan would only mean ample time to change her mind. She needed to do this now.

As the minutes and the miles ticked by, she wondered what her parents would think. They hadn’t welcomed her attempts to go home before. What made this any different? She could only hope and pray that the last two years had changed them as much as they had changed her.

Lynn intentionally loosened her grip on the steering wheel allowing blood to flow back into her knuckles. “I have no idea what I’m even supposed to say to them,” she prayed. “Please give me the words. And please soften their hearts. I’ve already missed so much in Perry’s life, I don’t want to miss any more.”

Would Perry be excited to see her? Or had it been so long that Lynn’s little sister would take on her bashful demeanor?

The thought of Perry not wanting to give her a hug had Lynn fighting back tears.

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