Page 30 of Starting Anew

She’d lost count of how many times she’d replayed the conversation in her head. Last night, she’d even had dreams about it.

Sometimes, the scenario ended with Nathan promising her that none of it mattered, and that he wanted to be with her whether her name was Lynn, Bethany, or something else entirely.

Then there were other times where her blasted imagination had him walking out of the restaurant, after calling her a fraud, without once looking back.

That’s when tears would spring to her eyes as dread sat on her chest like a lead weight.

A small meow at her feet tugged at Lynn’s attention. Only then did she realize a small tear had escaped and started its trek down her left cheek. She swiped it away and bent to pick up Thai. She cuddled the kitten close.

He started purring immediately, the sound reverberating through her, a distraction that relieved her mind of the worst-case scenarios. “Thanks, boy. I needed this.”

Thai was going to get hair on her dress. Then again, that was preferable to the way her face was going to look if she full-on ugly cried. Over something that hadn’t even happened yet.

She carried the kitten to the living room and sat on the recliner. Thai quickly curled up on her lap and purred himself to sleep. As she gently rocked them back and forth with the toes of one foot, Lynn let her eyes slide shut.

“Lord, I know I keep trying to control things that I have no way of controlling. You know my heart and my situation. Please give me the right words to say, and please help Nathan to hear me out.” She sighed, releasing some of her pent-up nerves along with the breath from her lungs. She continued to stroke Thai’s soft fur as they rocked.

Lynn thought about Nathan and what their relationship was currently like. She resisted the urge to ask God to keep them together. “I want Nathan and Mia to continue to be a part of my life.” Because as much as it hurt to think about him severing their relationship now, it hurt even worse to think of losing him and Mia entirely. At least, if she still saw them—still spoke to them—there were possibilities for the future. She watched her parents take Perry and disappear from Lynn’s life. Seeing that happen with Nathan and Mia was one of her worst fears right now.

A favorite song from church settled on her heart. Despite a one-eyed judgmental look from Thai, Lynn got to her feet. She carried the kitten to her keyboard and settled him on her lap after sitting down. He seemed content with the transition and closed his eyes again.

Lynn allowed her fingers to still as they touched the keys of her keyboard. Then, she began to play “Seek Ye First” as she poured her worries into the song. Her situation didn’t change, but it felt lighter somehow.

Maybe the outcome of today was unpredictable. But there was one thing she knew for sure: she cared about Nathan, and he deserved to know the truth.

She respected him too much to not tell him.

If only she’d told him sooner. Although looking back now, she wasn’t entirely sure when the perfect time to tell him would have been.

Lynn realized she’d stopped playing the keyboard. She glanced down at Thai. “I guess now is the perfect time.”

A knock at the front door had Lynn jumping to her feet, and a less-than-happy Siamese landing on all four of his with an irritated twitch of his tail.

Lynn brushed off the cat hair as she opened the door. And there he stood: The most handsome man she’d ever met. He wore blue jeans and a black t-shirt. The slight breeze outside tousled his blond hair and brought the scent of his aftershave wafting to her nose.

But above all, it was the brilliant smile meant only for her that had her heart rate racing.

“Hey.” He stepped closer and placed a kiss to her cheek. “You look beautiful.” His eyes twinkled. “It’s nice to see you without the additional audience of my students or daughter.”

“I know what you mean.” Lynn had worried she might not know what to say when he came to pick her up. But the feel of his hand holding hers now had her relaxing a little. She lifted her chin to smile at him.

As though he could read her mind—or maybe he simply needed the contact as badly as she did—Nathan leaned down to kiss her. A slow kiss that had Lynn’s legs growing weak as his warmth and attention drove most of her worries away. At least until he broke their kiss and smiled into her eyes.

They were going to be okay. They had to be.

“Shall we?” He held an arm out to her.

Lynn happily took it and allowed him to escort her out of the house.

Once at the restaurant, they settled in with an appetizer and drinks while they waited for their meals. She’d asked him about Mia and his job. He asked if she’d heard anything from her sister, to which she’d sadly had to answer that she hadn’t.

Now they were both sitting silently, a heaviness in the air. Lynn popped the last bit of a mozzarella stick in her mouth and returned Nathan’s smile.

This was the time. Right now—this lull—was when she was supposed to start telling him about her past.

“Nathan, I—”

“Look, Lynn, if you—”

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