Page 15 of In Pursuit of the Truth

“Hiring another person or two makes sense. It would help Rachel out and make it easier for you to be more flexible. You could hang out with the boys or wander around the farm more to interact with your guests.” He leaned his chair back. “Do you have enough money coming in to hire two more people without putting stress on the finances?”

She nodded. “We’d be fine, at least for a while. That leads to my next set of questions, which are much harder to answer.” With one finger, she traced the border of the page in front of her. “Joe and I had talked about expanding the area of the farm that’s open to the public. Turn this place into a big attraction in the fall with a corn maze, hay rides, a playground, and a large pumpkin patch.”

Nate looked interested, and he leaned forward again, the chair righting itself. “Wow, that would be amazing. What would it take to get to that point?”

“There’s the old barn a couple of acres to the north through the trees. It’s an eyesore, and honestly, we were both worried about it being a safety hazard. Now that the boys are getting bigger, it feels like a matter of time before they try to explore and wind up getting hurt. Especially Seth. He’s obsessed with it.” Her hair, which she’d put into a messy bun that morning, was coming loose on one side. Several strands of hair hung by her ear, and she twirled them around one finger. “I’m thinking of having the whole thing torn down and hauled off. Then we could section that area off for a corn maze.”

She could picture it in her mind and see her boys running hand in hand as they tried to find the exit. If much of the area was already cleared, it would make that part easier. She’d just have to research drainage and what itwould take to grow that amount of corn. More items for her to-do list, but she’d get to that once a decision was made.

Bailey shrugged. “It’s going to take all winter and spring to do everything necessary, and it may even take most of next fall to get the corn and another pumpkin patch established. We might be looking at two years from now before we open that area to the public. So, you see why I need to make a decision and start moving forward. Talking about it is just the beginning.”

Nate nodded. “You’ll need to put costs together. See how long it might take to cover that investment and eventually turn a profit.”

“Exactly. Right now, we pretty much rely on purchases. But once everything is in place, if there are enough activities, I’m hoping we can have a flat charge for admission. That, in combination with purchases, will hopefully bring in a lot more.”

“It’s a solid plan. Why are you hesitating?” Nate folded his hands and laid them on the table, his expression open.

For the second time that evening, tears flooded her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to will them away.

“Because Joe and I were supposed to do it together.” The words came out as more of a whisper. She gave a shrug and swiped at a lone tear that escaped. “This was his dream, you know. He wanted this for our family. He hoped to retire early, and then we could run the farm with the boys. Joe had all these plans…”

She didn’t dare look at Nate. She didn’t want him to feel sorry for her. It’d been over two years, yet Joe’s death left a hole in her heart that would never close completely. She had to figure out howshewas going to manage things going forward.

“There are no words adequate to tell you how I wishthings had been different for you two.” Nate’s voice was gruff. “You mentioned selling the place earlier. Is that something you’re seriously considering?”

She wished she hadn’t said that at all. She’d been upset, and it’d slipped out. “Sometimes, when it feels overwhelming, I think about the possibility. But it’s just when I’m at the end of the day and exhausted. You know?”

“Bailey.”

Silence. When she finally lifted her chin, Nate wasn’t looking at her with pity—only understanding and determination crossed his face. “It doesn’t make you a bad person.”

She shook her head. Her chest tightened, and she wanted to object but said nothing.

“Guilt can wreck your life.” He cleared his throat. “Trust me, I know.”

Chapter Nine

Nate could see the guilt in Bailey’s eyes. It was an emotion he knew well, just like he knew how paralyzing and devastating it could be. He still fought at times to keep it from taking control of his life.

His feelings toward Bailey alone ate him up with guilt on a regular basis. It was an old case he’d worked on, though, that had led him to seek out grief counseling after it ended in the worst way possible. Therapy had helped, but sometimes, that guilt reared up when he least expected it. He suspected it always would.

The cause of his guilt was very different from what Bailey was experiencing, but the result was the same.

Another tear slid from the corner of her eye and started to roll down her cheek. It took everything in him not to reach out and wipe it away for her. He said a silent prayer, asking that God would give him the words to say. Words that might help her but wouldn’t reveal how he felt or make anything harder for her.

She glanced toward the living room as though she wereafraid the boys might see her cry. When she looked back at Nate, he plunged ahead.

“I want to tell you something, and I need you to hear me out.”

Her eyes narrowed with doubt and a hint of apprehension.

“Joe loved you and the boys fiercely. He would want nothing more than for you to be happy. That would be true whether you transform this place into something people come from miles around to see or if you sell it all and decide to live in an apartment.” He paused for a moment to let that sink in. “There’s no doubt in my mind that Joe would be proud of you and of the way you’re raising Seth and Jordan.”

He meant every word, too.Hewas proud of her. She’d been through so much in the last two years, and she’d faced it all with grace and courage. Nate doubted he could’ve handled it as well.

He wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he expected from her. She hastily stood from the table and went to the sink to look out the window, and he couldn’t tell if she was upset or not. He contemplated waiting for her to return, but when her chin dropped, and she leaned into the counter, he strode across the room to stand behind her.

Every instinct told him to put an arm around her—to offer her some kind of comfort. Instead, his feet stayed rooted in place, his arms pressed against his sides.

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