Page 100 of Out of the Storm

“Okay. Can we lie down, though? I feel like I’ve cried out all of my energy.”

“Yeah.” Jeff took his hand and nodded toward the hallway. “Come on.”

Jeff climbed into bed first. Normally, it was Gary who held him, but this time, Jeff stretched out his arms and Gary melted into them, laying his head on Jeff’s chest. Jeff could feel the corner of Gary’s frames poking him, and so, he took them off and placed them on the nightstand. In response, Gary mumbled a thank you, burying his face in Jeff’s shirt, and then, rather than telling Jeff what had happened, Gary started to cry. Jeff threaded his fingers through Gary’s hair and whispered the reassurances he knew Gary needed to hear.

“Gare,” he whispered into Gary’s locks. “I’m here.”

“It hurts. Everything hurts,” Gary said with a small sob. “Iknewshe was lying to me. I had time to come to terms with it in my head before I even talked to her. But it still hurts.”

“What happened?”

Gary’s story spilled out of him in one long slew of words, like he couldn’t say them fast enough, like the story and all of the pain that came with it had been brewing inside him not only for the hours that had passed since the conversation he’d had with his mom, but for years. And now Gary was left with both heartache from his mother’s betrayal and sorrow over losing his father in a whole new way. All that time, his father had been open to a relationship, and yet Gary had spent years hating him, thinking that his father probably hated Gary too.

Finally, when Gary was finished, he fell silent, and Jeff continued to hold him close, stroking his hair and kissing the top of his head.

After a while, Jeff said, “What about Dawn?”

“I’m sure she hates me too. I mean, I really... Ireallyyelled at my mom, Jeff.”

“Try to talk to her tomorrow. Or the next day. Whenever you’re ready.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready. What if she tells me to fuck off?”

“She won’t,” Jeff said softly. “She won’t.”

While Jeff stroked Gary’s hair, his stomach was still roiling with low-level nausea, the upset from the phone call he’d received from Don simmering beneath his skin. At least seeing Gary had helped temper it, changing his emotions from what had temporarily felt like a hurricane into a mere rain shower, one tame enough to weather on his own while he kept his focus on the man he loved.

Minutes passed while Jeff continued to hold Gary close, and then, shortly before midnight, Gary sat up a little and nuzzled Jeff’s nose.

“Thank you for coming over,” he said, touching the side of Jeff’s face.

Jeff’s heart cracked and ached, the love he felt for Gary filling it past the breaking point. Especially because he hadn’t been able to show it. Not in the way he wanted to.

Jeff nuzzled Gary’s nose right back.

In a whispered voice, one filled with love and care, Gary said, “Jeffrey, you are the sweetest man I’ve ever met. You’re my sweetheart.”

Cold panic suddenly flooded Jeff’s veins, freezing him in place, and even though Jeff knew, consciously, that he was safe, his muscles still became rigid. It was that fucking term ofendearment—sweetheart—whose meaning had turned sinister, even when coming from the mouth of someone so peaceful.

That icy fear was swiftly replaced with shame, its uncomfortable warmth trickling up the back of Jeff’s neck, turning his ears hot.

Why was he letting Don have this kind of hold on him?

Gary’s voice had been filled with so much love, but to Jeff, that word was laced with poison. Fuck, how he hated it. He hated the word, and he hated its power, and most of all, he hated how he knew heshouldn’thate it, especially from Gary, whose only intention was ever to make him happy.

Gary was offering this lovely, wonderful word as an expression of care, and yet Jeff could barely register its Goddamn beauty.

Cheeks still burning from the mixture of shame and pain, Jeff leaned forward to capture Gary’s mouth in a kiss. He refused to let Don take this moment from him. Out of every possible sweet nothing, Gary had chosen this one, plucking the word like an apple from a tree, and Jeff couldn’t bear to tell him that it was rotten. He hated to think that his honesty might hurt Gary’s heart, especially when Gary was still hurting so much from the turmoil within his family.

Determined to push past his unease, Jeff continued kissing Gary, trying to focus on the feel of Gary’s lips and the softness of his skin, hoping that by letting himself become lost in their intimacy, he might both rid himself of his lingering upset and reassure Gary of his love. Even though he had yet to make himself say the word out loud, there was not a doubt in Jeff’s mind that he loved Gary. He fuckinglovedhim. With his whole entire self, with everything he had, and he wanted Gary to feel it, to trust it, toknowit.

Gripping tight to Gary’s shirt collar, Jeff deepened their kiss, and Gary’s subsequent contented sigh temporarily banished everypoisonous thought. For those precious few moments, Jeff could imagine Gary saying the wordsweetheartwithout being reminded of its violence.

But then, Gary’s hands found his waist, and suddenly, they ceased to belong to Gary, and instead, they belonged to Don, and they were possessive and rough and wrong.Sweetheart.Jeff could still hear it.Sweetheart.Only now, it was Don’s voice in his head, and there was nothing kind about the word at all.Jeff’s heart started to hammer, his brain becoming foggy, breath catching in his throat.Sweetheart.Gary’s hand hooked behind his head, and a surge of panic—hot and fast like lightning—moved through Jeff’s body with such intense ferocity that Jeff couldn’t even stop himself from pushing Gary away.

Seconds passed in silence, and Jeff couldn’t breathe, couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Jeff,” Gary said after a moment, his voice soft and careful. “Are you okay?”

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