Page 101 of Out of the Storm

Jeff’s heart was still racing. He took a few breaths before finally forcing himself to meet his boyfriend’s eyes.

And the sight broke his heart in two.

Gary’s forehead was etched with worry, his eyes both fearful and sad. Fuck. What was wrong with him? Why was he still so reactive to something as simple as a phone call, as a word? Tears sprang to Jeff’s eyes—tears of shame and self-reproach—and he covered his face with his hands to try to hide them.

“Gare, I . . . I can’t . . .” He choked back a sob. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Gary said. “I’msorry. Did I...”

“It wasn’t you. It’s me. It’s always me.” Jeff started to cry. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“I’m so sorry, Jeff.”

“Fucking Don.” Fury flared tolife inside of him.

Unable to hold back his rage, he started slamming his fist into the pillow. Over and over. Harder and harder. Unleashing every ounce of hatred he had for the man who had ruined his life. Until, finally, there was nothing left.

Jeff collapsed onto the mattress and curled into a ball, embarrassed by every single second of this Goddamn nightmare but now too tired to move. Gary lay beside him.

“Talk to me,” Gary said softly. “Please.”

Christ, how he hated that now the focus would be on him. Meanwhile, Gary was still hurting. Struck with the realization of what a terrible boyfriend he was, Jeff nearly started crying again, but it seemed he had run out of tears.

“Don called,” Jeff said. “Before I came here.”

“Geez.” Gary reached out to touch Jeff’s face but stopped himself. “I wish you would have told me earlier.”

“But you needed me. I came here to comfort you.”

“And you did.”

“And then I ruined everything.”

“No, of course not. Jeffrey, you never ruin anything.Ever.”

Too tired to argue, Jeff looked down at Gary’s blue comforter and began picking at one of the loose threads.

After a moment, Gary said, “Why’d he call?”

“Wanted me to meet him at O’Henry’s,” Jeff said, continuing to fiddle with the thread.

“Why?”

“Gare,” Jeff clipped. “You know why.”

Some seconds passed, and then Gary asked, “What’d you tell him?”

“Nothing,” Jeff said. “Nothing I should have. Just that I wasn’t interested. That’s all.”

“Do you want to talk about it some more?”

“Not really.”

“Do you want to stay over or . . .?”

Jeff shrugged. Of course he wanted to stay. But would he be able to sleep next to Gary? Probably not tonight. Maybe not... maybe not even for a while.

“Okay, well, how about I make you some tea, or hey, how about some hot chocolate instead? We can make fun of how completely lost I sounded on the radio earlier. God, my listeners probably think I slipped myself something.”

---