Page 108 of Out of the Storm

“It’ll be harder for me, Gare. You’re the cuter one,” Jeff said, and for the first time during their conversation, Gary could almost hear a smile in Jeff’s tone.

“See, now this is the type of argument I want us to be having,” Gary teased. “So, uh, when—”

“One week.”

“God, so I have one weekminimumuntil I can be with you in person, huh? Probably longer. Then again, I think in that movieOrdinary People, the family only needed the two hours of the movie to heal, so maybe there’s some hope.”

Jeff chuckled and said, “Can I tell you something that’ll make me sound stupid?”

“Sure.”

“I really thought Dr. Goldstein would fix me in, like, an hour.”

Gary started chuckling too. “No. Come on.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m stupid. You can say it.”

“Did you think she’d have some kind of magic wand?”

“Nah, more like a magic spell.”

Gary couldn’t stop laughing. “Jeff, that’s so . . .”

“Stupid.”

“Yeah,” Gary said, still laughing. “I’m sorry, but that’s so stupidly cute, I can hardly stand it.”

“Laugh it up, radio man,” Jeff said, clearly only pretending to be angry because Gary could hear him chuckling a little too. “You’re the one who’s stuck with someone whose brain is so messed up he thought he’d be fixed by talking to some random lady for fifty fucking minutes.”

“Oh, Jeffrey,” Gary said, his laughter finally dying. “I’m sorry I can’t help. Actually,canI help? Because you know I’d do anything for you.”

“I know. Just let me talk to her a bit more and see what she says. Maybe she’ll have some... breathing tricks or something.”

“Breathing tricks?”

“Counting sheep.”

“Do you not know what therapy is?”

“Shut the fuck up, radio man.”

“So, that’s a ‘no’ if I’ve ever heard one.”

For the next half hour, the two of them continued teasing each other, only ever occasionally scratching the surface of a serious conversation regarding Jeff seeing a therapist, but still, Gary had the sense that their laughter was sort of healing for Jeff. He seemed a lot more relaxed by the time they said good night and hung up.

In truth, Gary was feeling more relaxed by then too. Jeff’s honesty about seeing a psychologist was kind of... incredible. It was so vulnerable. And brave. And it helped Gary really believe that their relationship was special, that everything would work out.

Whether Jeff knew it or not, he was helping Gary overcome his need for physical intimacy as proof of love. It wasn’t instantaneous.But Gary could feel a change within himself—small, maybe, but important all the same.

Some time ago, Jeff had called Gary his sun. At the time, Gary really hadn’t known how to respond, but he’d thought back on it several times since. And while he still couldn’t be sure exactly what Jeff had meant, maybe Jeff was his sun too. Because even when they weren’t touching, Gary could still feel the warmth of Jeff’s love. He felt it each and every day.

***

Over the next couple of days, Gary and Jeff had talked on the phone every night, and even though Gary missed seeing Jeff in person, he was feeling surprisingly secure in their relationship, so much so that he had finally mustered up the courage to call his sister so that he could feel out the status oftheirrelationship. Gary’s confidence in his bond with Jeff had helped him be okay with the notion that he might have lost not only his mom but his sister too.

Fortunately, Gary had been wrong about that. Dawn had been happy to hear from him. While she wasn’t really that mad that their mom had essentially prevented their father from coming back into their lives, she wasn’t mad that Garywasmad, either. Which was something.

And Gary still missed his mom. Not that they had seen each other that often before, but now that he had basically locked her out of his life, he missed her on a psychological level. Prior to their fight, he could have popped over whenever he wanted, could havecalled to say hello, but now, he was still too hurt and mad to forgive her.

---